Why I Was the One Who Ghosted
A year ago I dated Danny – a smart, funny, talented guy with an amazing job. I loved his mother and she loved me back. He was so good on paper, but some of his actions bothered me.
First: We would only hang out at his place. Danny never wanted to go do anything. We are young and free, and there are so many things to do in New York City. Especially with your significant other. But, no, he preferred that I go all the way to his apartment, about an hour away, and never made the effort to spend time with me on my turf.
Second: He wouldn’t call me his girlfriend. We had been seeing each other for months and Danny never mentioned the status of our relationship. I didn’t either. He would play these mind games and said things to make it seem like I was “his.”
Third: We didn’t see each other often. When we did it was always on his time. I would literally wait for him to ask to spend time with me. So I ended up suggesting we hang out most of the time (and then he would only invite me over. UGH!)
Fourth: Everybody told me to run. Like EVERYBODY. I guess I should’ve known. Danny seemed so nice, I was surprised my friends and family didn’t like him. They all said he was a sleezeball who wasn’t man enough to be the man that I needed. I was starting to see that, which was disappointing.
Fifth: My friend Jane told me that her friend Jessica told her that my guy flirted with her and tried to kiss her. This was the final straw. I confronted him about it and he denied it, of course. I realized this is not the kind of love that I want.
I can go on and on. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t feel complete. I just felt…empty. And stressed. I felt that I was fighting to build a relationship alone. I put in so much effort, and was upset when he didn’t reciprocate.
So I decided to stop trying and straight up ghosted him.
Poof. I disappeared just like that, just like many men have done to me and probably you. I didn’t think Danny deserved an explanation. In my eyes, his behavior and how he treated me was unacceptable. I didn’t think he deserved to know why I stopped talking to him. But, Danny was upset. He called me almost everyday and left me sad voicemails.
“Babe? Are you ignoring me? If you are, just tell me. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss us.”
Ew. Yes, I am ignoring you, I thought while deleting his messages.
He got so used to me being there for him and taking his crap. He was probably just lonely. And when he noticed I stopped caring, he was devastated. Too bad I didn’t care! Also, this was ridiculous. Danny was making more of an effort after I ghosted him than when we were actually seeing each other. Typical.
Now, he’s another girl’s problem. He didn’t respect me; I didn’t need to respect him. And so I ghosted – no explanation necessary.