Ask Sujeiry: The Other Woman

Dear Sujeiry,

I have been involved with this man for a couple of months. I knew from the beginning that he was seeing someone else. However, he told me it was nothing serious. Of course I went forward with the situation. There is such a strong connection between us and I just could not let that go. Fast forward to now and I found out that the girl is actually his girlfriend of two years. I still stayed despite this. He will not talk about his relationship with her and he tells me that it is not just sex with us. However, I do not know what to make of this. He says he does not know why he is cheating on her with me. I find myself falling for him more and more. (We talk every day. I have let my guard down with him.) I do not know what to do. I want to walk out before I get hurt, but I keep coming back to him. What should I do?

Sincerely,
The Other Woman

Dear Other Woman,

I have been in your position. I dated a man (I call him Mr. G) and was so sure he was “The One.” He also had a girlfriend. A live in girlfriend at that. He swore he would leave her, that he wasn’t happy with her, that he didn’t have sex with her, that he’d connected with me like no other woman. I believed him, and till this day I know the connection, the chemistry, was real and uniquely ours. But, he never left her.

He is still with her.

My relationship with Mr. G lasted about a year, off and on. I waited in vain for a year and moved on when I realized he had all the power. We saw each other when it was convenient for him. He cancelled on me multiple times because he was with his girlfriend. And I was miserable.

Sound familiar?

I can sense you are waiting. Though he wasn’t honest about the seriousness of his relationship, you believe in his word and are waiting for things to change. You’ve become intimate with him, which I refused to do with Mr. G. I knew that if we did have sex my heart would be crushed.

So, what should you do? Leave him. I know it is difficult but you are in too deep. I know you feel he will eventually choose you but the likely conclusion is that he will not leave her. That you continue on with the role of The Other Woman. Besides, leaving her doesn’t mean he will commit to you. He refuses to talk about the situation. Plus, as my friends would say when I was with Mr. G, ‘What makes you think he won’t cheat on you?”

So leave him.

Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, this affair seems kismet. It’s so incredibly heart breaking to let go of kismet. But The Universe doesn’t want us to have second best. We deserve a love that is ours, not borrowed or stolen. You deserve a love that is yours, not borrowed or stolen. So I hope you decide to end this cycle. I hope you love yourself enough to know this is not your best.

You emailed me and asked me the question. And, if you’ve ever read my content, you knew I’d tell you to let him go. You just wanted that extra push. Well, here goes! I’m placing my hand on your shoulder and giving you the nudge you need to live an honest life with someone who truly loves you. Walk away from him to find a man that is deserving of your love.

Love strongly and wisely,

Sujeiry

DISCLAIMER: The advice offered by Sujeiry Gonzalez are solely the opinion of Sujeiry Gonzalez and should not be considered as a form of therapy and/or diagnosis or treatment of any kind. If counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

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3 comments on “Ask Sujeiry: The Other Woman

  1. Just this morning my mom and were “chismeando” about a similar situation that happened to a close family friends. It makes me sad that many women put up with degradation for so many years for the sake of the kids, sacrificing their happiness.

  2. unknownmami says:

    You are right. In the words of Tracy Chapman:
    If not now then when
    If now today then
    Why make your promises
    A love declared for days to come
    Is as good as none

    You can wait ’til morning comes
    You can wait for the new day
    You can wait and lose this heart
    You can wait and soon be sorry

  3. Finuca says:

    Loved your counsel Sujeiry!

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