Ask Sujeiry: Sneaky Behavior – Should I Stay or Go?

Should I Stay Or Should I GoDear Sujeiry,

I love my boyfriend very much. I have his back no matter what. Recently we got into a very nasty argument. I don’t like arguing so I walk away. But ever since that day I try my very best not to upset him. Also, I don’t care for his so called “female friends.” I’ve never seen a man go to the bathroom and take his cell phone with him. He’s forever texting, not too sure who. I really don’t want to know.

I have nothing to hide from him but I feel that he is hiding something. I feel that he spends time with someone else. But like I said I don’t like to make assumptions. Done that one too many times already and all it does is cause us to fight. Lately he’s been working very late which I find to be very strange. He would usually do anything to spend time with me but lately it’s not like that.

I don’t know if I am reading to much into this but I just don’t feel like getting hurt anymore. I’ll be 35 next month and I just don’t want to put up with anymore lies and games. I’m a good woman. I don’t believe in cheating and I don’t like to accuse him of it. But I don’t feel like crying any more and that’s what I have been doing a lot lately. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been holding everything in to avoid arguments and accusing him of things that I could be wrong. So what advice could you give me that will help me out? Anything will do because I’m at the point where I want to walk away but I feel that if I do I would be making a mistake.

Sincerely,

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

 

Dear Should I Stay or Should I Go?

You have so many concerns and worries about your relationship that I don’t even know where to begin. So lets start with you and why you feel what you feel. After all, you should be at peace with yourself before tackling any relationship drama.

Why do you feel the need to swallow your opinions and suppress your emotions? From what I hear in your words, it almost seems you walk on eggshells because you are terrified to loose him. Abandonment is a serious issue that I deal with constantly in relationships, but it shouldn’t hold you back from communicating, which is exactly what is occurring. I get not wanting to seem like a nag or a jealous girlfriend. As women, we want our mate to see us as secure, confident and trusting. But, chica, you are holding back way too much! This is not healthy.

Now, for all the hiding and secrecy. In my experience, when a man is taking calls in the bathroom and hiding his text messages that is a clear indication that something in the milk ain’t clean. This isn’t an “assumption” rather than a gut feeling. Two completely different things. What is your womanly instinct telling you? It seems it is telling you the same as it is telling me. It is all over your email.

What to do with this information? Speak to him about it. There may be something going on and you have to make it clear, without fear of loosing him, that his detachment is affecting you and his secrecy is causing you to worry. You also have to stick with your guns. You ain’t having any BS and you will survive without him!

Again, all of this change and positivity must come from within. It starts with you, Pepita. The relationship may work. He may not be doing anything fishy. One thing is for sure, though, you need to build your confidence and love yourself enough to speak your heart, mind and soul, and leave a relatiionship if it is no longer serving a purpose.

Should you stay or should you go? How about asking yourself if you love yourself first. Because, no matter what your age or how many years you have invested, you should be happy.

Love strongly and wisely,

Sujeiry, 1st Lady of Love

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  • Sujeiry Gonzalez

    Thank you! Glad you approve and that I helped!

  • Sujeiry Gonzalez

    Hot pink neon signs!

    And yes, being alone is sometimes best. That way you love yourself much more and, in turn, don’t stand for BS.

  • Sujeiry Gonzalez

    Well put, amiga.

  • http://tikitikiblog.com Carrie at TikiTikiBlog!

    You can never be abandoned because you have You and You never Abandon You.

    Trust the gut. Always.
    Don’t make deadlines just cause of your “age”…

  • http://www.autismwonderland.com Lisa Quinones-Fontanez

    I’m sorry…these are not red flags. They are big flashing broadway neon signs!
    She needs out of this faux relationship and ask herself the tough questions. She needs to be by herself for a while and ask herself what she wants and discover what she deserves. Because it sounds like this guy does not deserve her.

  • Patty @ A Day in My NYC

    I’ve so been there (in some ways) but sometimes you need to ask yourself, how much of this do you take? I know my instincts are usually right, so I try to find a way to talk about the concern and if nothing changes I’ve had to end things. Then later I find out I was right. It hurts for awhile but I’m at peace with myself.

  • anonymous

    not meeting the fam after 3 years: flag
    not telling you about a female friend: flag
    i could go on and on but then you’d think i was talking about my situation! :)

  • http://sexandthebeach.blogspot.com/ Maria de los Angeles

    Good advice. There are red flags all over the place here. Walking on eggshells being co-dependent is not healthy. I would be so emotionally drained if I was in this relationship … time to clear the air and move on.

  • http://sweetlifebake.com bonnie at sweet life

    great respone, i think we are get to a point in our lives where we realize we deserve better. i think you offered great advice.

  • http://www.unknownmami.com/ Unknown Mami

    Great advice. You should never have to make yourself smaller to accommodate your partner.