Ask Sujeiry: How Do I Cope With My Man’s Bad Temper?
I love your segment on Exitos 93.9FM! And now here’s my question.
I have been in a relationship for 10 years and everything is good. But sometimes my partner has a short temper and shows it off in front of his family. I don’t like it because his family sees how he acts and questions why I’m still with him.
Sometimes when he acts that way I just ignore it and continue like nothing happened. But sometimes it does embarrass me. We talked about it and it stopped for a while but then starts up again. Is there a certain way I should act when he gets mad or should I just continue to ignore his bad temper? I don’t like to argue. Again, this only happens when we are in front of his family. Please advise. Thanks so much!
Dating Mr. Temper Tantrum
Dear Dating Mr. Temper Tantrum,
My first thought after reading your email was: why is his family a trigger? You say he flips out when he’s around them and I wonder why that is. Does he have a terrible relationship with them? Do they push his buttons?
I am also wondering what he does when he is angry. I know many people who have a short fuse. I myself used to have a terrible temper. I wouldn’t stay angry for long but I would blow up over the smallest things. But I didn’t cause anyone emotional harm. I would curse up a storm but I rarely hurt others. So, how does he speak to you when angry? Does he take his anger out on you? If the answer is yes, you have a bigger problem than his temper. If he’s talking to you like caca because he’s pissed off at his family that can become emotional abuse.
If his issue is just with his family maybe you both need to spend less time with them. If his family is open to family counseling that is also a great option. As for how you handle it, try to stay out of it when they are arguing. Then talk to him privately. He’s going to want you to have his back, and you can while still expressing yourself. However, if you continue to feel uncomfortable you may need to distance yourself from his family. Again, it’s up to you. This may be his family dynamic. Some families argue a lot. If this is the man you want to be with you may have to deal with his family dynamic.
If his issue when he is angry is with you, stand up for yourself. Don’t shrink. In a rational and calm tone, tell him he needs to speak to you better (if he isn’t). If you fight anger with anger, nothing good will comes from it. If his temper continues to be an issue in your relationship (not with his family) you need to evaluate your relationship. He needs to speak to you with respect, no matter how hot and bothered he is with his familia.
Love strongly and wisely,
Photo Credit: Flickr.com/HaroldoFerrary.