Ask Sujeiry: Should I Date My Friends Ex-Boyfriend?
I have a crazy situation on my hands and need relationship advice. I hit it off with a guy who I met at a bar. After a few texts and great chemistry, we started dating. We get to know each other and spend a lot of time together and I realize that I’m falling for this guy and want him to be my man.
I invite him to my friends get together for the big reveal. We walk in hand in hand and my friend who is hosting the party calls his name. She knows him because she dated him in college!!! She fell for him hard but he was just playing the field so she kind of hates his guts.
You can imagine that this has put me in an awkward position. She is so hurt but it isn’t my fault and wasn’t on purpose. I didn’t know this was her man! They weren’t even in a real relationship. She never even spoke about him. Granted, I’ve only known her for a few months but we’ve gotten close and she’s awesome.
So, should I keep dating him? On one hand I feel like I am betraying her but on the other hand I don’t feel like it’s a choice she should ask me to make. It seems it’s either him or her. She hasn’t said so but she hasn’t spoken to me in days. What do I do?
The Friend or The Boyfriend
Dear The Friend or The Boyfriend,
I say date him. You didn’t know. You didn’t break girl code deliberately. Yes, it sucks that she was hurt, but it was long ago. College relationships are about growing pains and learning hard lessons. And again: you didn’t know you were breaking girl code!
Tell her that you are moving forward with your relationship, but be sensitive to her feelings. Don’t bring him around again until she gets used to the idea. Stand your ground and live your life while still being sympathetic to what she may be going through. If she is a close friend and wants you to be happy, she will let it go…eventually. It may still be awkward. I can’t imagine constantly interacting with a man that I slept with, especially if it ended badly. But she will have to suck it up. Hopefully, she will stop caring when she falls in love. Often times misery does love company. If not, she isn’t really a real friend.
So, yes, ordinarily, I would say, “Don’t be that girl! Pepas before penes!” This case, however, is different. It wasn’t your intention to hurt her. You just fell for a boy who fell for you and your friend just so happened to have fallen for him bygones ago. This guy may be perfect for you. He can be your husband and the father of your children. You don’t want to throw that away over a friend that is still reeling over an ex-fling, do you?
I definitely wouldn’t.
Photo Credit: Flickr.com/Nurun.