I used to cry for no reason at all. I’d sit at home and weep – usually after one too many Bacardi and Cokes – and would feel all the feelings. My heart hurt, but I didn’t know why.
I did a great job at convincing myself that I was happy and that my life was full. That I had settled and accepted my abandonment and rejection issues. That I had battled my insecurities, which included hating my nose, hair, thin body, and how much and how fast I spoke. I did a great job at convincing myself that I was the shit despite my terrible relationship decisions, as I continuously chose men that were just not that into me, or that didn’t deem me as worthy of more than some fun (never worthy of commitment). Because I didn’t deem myself as worthy.
It turns out I cried for no reason because I felt an emptiness internally. I tried filling my emotional void with people and things. With alcohol. Time with friends. Hanging out. Vacations. Fame. Social media likes. People…so many people around me always.
I hated being alone because I couldn’t stand being with myself, my thoughts and my emptiness. That’s a truth I could no longer hide. I talk about this and more on this episode of Love Sujeiry: Talk Served Raw on reVolver Podcast. Listen above or on iTunes, Spotify, Google Play, Spreaker and iHeart Radio.