Health

I Hate the Gym Because Men Stare at My Ass

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Summer 2016 was fast approaching and my gut was out of control. I had to get rid of my Pillsbury dough, which meant doing more than five jumping jacks (that’s what I considered working out) and actually joining a gym. I researched, compared gym memberships in the city and settled on Planet Fitness. Because it’s five minutes away from home and I was being a lazy blob again.

Good thing Planet Fitness is a “judgment free zone.” Only it was too good to be true.

A day into using my black card membership and I realized, “I’m working out in the jungle.” Everywhere I looked there were animals in heat, ready to mate. The women barely had any clothes on and were wearing full-on makeup. Who wears makeup to the gym?! Of course, they received plenty of attention from the sweaty men. And the ladies loved it.

The more men stared, the more they giggled and flipped their hair. And the men – they’d grunt loudly as they lifted weights and threw down dumb bells. Those dumb bells.

I got stared at too, but I wasn’t wearing poon poon shorts and I sure as hell wasn’t done up like a Kardashian. I was a completely covered sweaty mess. As it should be at the gym. Yet there were apes – I mean, men – ogling my body. I didn’t get it. Was I doing these exercises wrong? Are they staring because my weights are too light? Do I look funny while I “mountain climb”? Maybe I was too covered and the guys were worried I’d pass out from heat exhaustion? I should not be feeling this anxious in a judgement free zone!

PLUS: How to Get a Guy to Stop Looking at Your Ass at the Gym

So I quit. I let others get to me and I quit. The next time I attended the gym was a month later when I went to cancel my membership because…

1. People at the gym have no manners. They cough and sneeze and place their hands right back on the machines. Or “forget” to wipe down they’re machine when finished. You pigs!

2. I don’t go to the gym to socialize. Thanks for showing me how to use this machine, but you can leave now.

3. The smells. It’s crowded, and everyone’s sweating all at once. Plus, dirty…old…socks.

4. GAS. People fart. It’s a natural part of life, but there are some disgusting assholes who pass gas while standing right beside your – and keep running on the treadmill like nothing ever happened.

5. Body odor. Have some compassion; wear some deodorant!

6. The machines. The machines look quite intimidating. Are you a Transformer?!

That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on losing this Pillsbury dough. Instead, I purchased weights and now work out in my bedroom. The only eye balls piercing my skin belong to Mami’s, who won’t dare judge my horrible squatting position.

Alanna is an aspiring writer and editor. Currently a student at Lehman College pursuing her degree in Media Communication Studies, she spends her leisure time hopping from beauty shop to beauty shop, comparing natural hair products for curly gals. The proud Afro Latina was often told she had “pelo malo” (bad hair) and she wants to put a stop to the damaging idea that straight hair is the only hair that will land you a dream job or man. A promoter of self-love, Alanna also encourages women of all backgrounds to love themselves and to not conform to patriarchal norms.