Sex

Things to Say to Boost a Guys Confidence During Sex

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The secret’s out: men can be just as insecure and self-conscious as women in the bedroom.

Even if we know (or think we know) exactly what we’re doing, our egos stem from our apparent sexual value to a woman, so we desperately need reassurance that what we’re doing is working for you. We rely heavily on communication in the bedroom that shows (non-verbal) or tells (verbal) us that you’re feeling pleasure and enjoying yourself, and in turn, helping us feel sexually competent, desired, and wanted.

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Don’t know what to say to boost his confidence during sex?  Tell a man a variation of one of these 9 things in the bedroom, and he’ll immediately relax and operate with confidence:

Verbal Communication 

“I want you inside me right now!” “I can’t wait for you to be inside me!”

This is perfect when you’re fooling around with foreplay: he’s doing his best to tease you, working your entire body, and delaying the end goal of entering you for as long as possible. Pull his face close and whisper desperately into his ear how badly you want him inside you. He’ll think you can’t resist him any longer, which is a huge bode of confidence right before intercourse.

“I love your body.” “I like your……”

If this is the first time (or one of the first times) you’ve seen him naked, he’s going to be vulnerable. If you notice something about his body that turns you on — his arms, butt, or his body in general — be vocal about it. Be specific as well, which shows you’ve taken notice and appreciate him and his assets (you never know how much work and willpower was needed to get that body to look good naked). Being vocal early on will help him feel more engaged, comfortable, and confident.

“I love your dick.” “You’re so big.”

Even if you tell a guy with a dick the size of a baby mushroom that he’s big (while he probably won’t believe you), he’ll out-fuck his anatomical limitations. So if you want to get a guy to outperform his size, give him some complimentary feedback on his little soldier — get your hands on it, look directly into his eyes and tell him what you think about it (only if it’s good feedback, of course). When a guy shows you his dick for the first time he’s like a peasant on his knees begging for change, surrendering himself to you with every thing he has. And he’s hoping to God you don’t kick him to the curb.

“You’re so good at that.” “I’m so wet.” “You really turn me on.”

Chances are if the guy is really turning you on, he’ll know by your body’s physiological response (yay, wetness!). But if he’s really doing it for you in that moment, let him know about it. It’s just going to stroke his ego the perfect amount and help you achieve orgasm (which benefits you both). And let me tell you from personal experience: when a man is going down on a girl and she looks down at him through pleasure-soaked eyes and says, “Wow, you’re so good at that,” a guy suddenly finds a whole other gear and will make your vagina his bitch.

“You look so sexy/so hot in that position.”

Let’s face it, a lot of us are insecure about our sex faces (lights off please!). Or the vulnerable, precarious, and unflattering positions our bodies maintain during intercourse. So, throwing in the line that you find him sexy in a particular position helps him stay out of his head and feel more confident. He’ll let go of his inhibitions, which is when the most pleasurable and satisfying sex occurs.

 “Yes! Right there!” “Keep doing that.” 

Guys need some communication when we’ve found the right spot. More times than not we’re just blindly swinging in space, so when you tell us that we’ve hit the right spot, it’s like we’re oil-starved drill operators who’ve finally stuck oil — at last!

“You know what I really like…”

This might sound counter-intuitive, but it’s actually a huge confidence boost when a guy is with a woman who takes control of her sexual pleasure and instructs him on what she likes. Bedroom communication and sexual assertion (even slight bossiness) are huge turn-ons for men because it tells us that you understand your body, which makes it much easier for us to give you what works best for you.

Non-Verbal Communication

Heavy breathing. Moaning. Pelvic thrusts. 

The most confidence-breaking situation for men is when a woman isn’t moving or making any noise. It’s as if he’s making love to a human corpse, and there’s no telling what that does to a guy’s psyche when he’s worried if she’s alive let alone feeling pleasure. Heavy breathing, moaning, and pelvic movements are the best non-verbal communicators that your ‘re being satisfied (and breathing). If you don’t feel comfortable saying anything, at least give the guy signs that indicate all the work he’s putting in is initiating some sort of cardiovascular response.

Dirty Talk

Men love it when women talk dirty during sex because men love women who are uninhibited in the bedroom. When a woman initiates dirty talk with a guy, it’s like he got called up to the big leagues. She’s communicating to him that she’s enjoying sex and receiving maximum pleasure, and would like to extend an informal invitation to take sex to the next level and make things a little more interesting. Every guy will jump at that opportunity.

MORE: One Woman’s Struggle with Dirty Talk

Like I’ve said before, every time a man comes toe-to-toe with a new vagina we’re staring at a blank canvas. So we rely on your verbal and non-verbal communication to help indicate to us what works and doesn’t work for you. A little positive reinforcement and encouragement goes a long way to help us feel more secure and confident in what we’re doing. When you instill someone with confidence, they begin trusting their instincts and always perform better.

Jamie Rea is a Canadian entrepreneur, relationship writer, and comedy writer who loves to combine humor with advice on various topics in dating and relationships. He is a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic with a dirty mind, so it’s not surprising his dream girl has a big sense of humor and an even bigger heart. He currently writes about relationships for multiple publications across Canada and the US, including Made Man, Elite Daily, and Mode Media.