Sexual Trends

Why Men Refuse Two Men Threesomes + Some Slut Shaming

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“If a woman wants to sleep with two dudes at the same time, that’s her business. If that’s what she is into, cool. That’s just not my thing.”

This was Charles’, 23, respone when I asked if he’d ever be the third party in a male-female threesome. Many men share the Brooklyn natives sentiments and quickly shut down this type of proposal, referring to a threesome with another male as an uncomfortable experience. Some don’t even consider it a real threesome.

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A common reason for this resistance is that men feel a threesome with another man is bordering on homosexuality. For example, Antwan, 23, called it nasty. “I don’t want to have sex with my lady and another man being there!” he blurted out, “if she wants us both than she can have us in shifts or something.”

But, according to Carter, 27, of Staten Island, this attitude doesn’t mean a man is homophobic. In fact, some men just don’t like the idea of sharing their partner. “I [would] just get nothing out of sharing a girl with another guy,” he explained. “There is nothing sexy to me about sharing my girl with someone. I barely want to hear about her being with men in the past.”

Ok, got it, but would Carter and the rest object to a threesome with their girl and another woman? Would they be open to sharing their significant other then? Probably, as there is a double standard.

A woman who asks for a threesome with another guy is usually labeled a slut or a hoe; if she has a threesome with another woman and her male partner, however, she is deemed as hot and exciting.

So why the slut shaming? Robert, 28, of Staten Island tries to explain. “I know I may get a lot of backlash from this but, that’s just how it is. There are certain things that just don’t look right to us [men] and that’s one of them.” This “harsh reality,” as Robert put it, is nothing new for women. And it’s frustrating. Bennie, 27, of Manhattan, believes the double standard is absolutely ridiculous. “We are looked at differently if we dress a certain way, express ourselves sexually or have ‘too many’ sexual partners,” she said, “but none of that stuff ever applies to men.”

Camilla, 31, of the Bronx, agrees and believes millennials should lead the charge to change this mindset once and for all. “We have to take our power back as women,” she opined. “We let these men dictate what is socially acceptable. At the end of the day, I’m gonna sleep with who I want, when I want and how I want, and if he isn’t down for it, I’m sure I can find someone who is!”

Yes she can! Believe it or not, there are men who have no problem with male-male-female threesomes. Randy, 29, of Staten Island, feels confident and secure enough in his sexuality to try. “If it is something my lady really wanted, I’d be cool with it as long as she is comfortable with returning the favor and us having a threesome with another woman – for my pleasure.” That’s the spirit!

In the end, exploring different sexual experiences with your partner should be something all parties are comfortable with and agree to. There shouldn’t be any judgement, slut shaming or “no homo” banter. 

Tiffani is a true city gal, hailing from the concrete jungle of New York City. With a large coffee in tow (that’s pronounced caw-fee to my non-New Yorkers) this closeted “self-help” addict and Lifestyles writer is on a continuous quest to discover how to have the best romantic life. An old soul with new age sarcasm, Tiffani’s sharp, witty and tell-it-like-it-is attitude has resulted in many a snafu as she tries to navigate and conquer the most challenging and complicated assignment of all: dating the New York City man. Come a long for the ride as this seasoned serial dater tries to find balance between her journey to self-love and her old school values on dating and relationships. She writes about her lessons and adventures in dating as a twenty-something millennial and all the new rules that apply.