Sexual Trends

Like A Virgin: The Not So Memorable Loss Of Hymen

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Halloween Costume - Madonna, Like A VirginThe first time we have sex is supposed to be memorable, yet most women have erased the awkwardness and surprising displeasure of the experience. This is sex? We ponder with gritted teeth. This is what my momma told me to to hold out for? We question as we exhale to release the sting. Shifting of hips and pelvises. An elbow jabbed. A myriad of mumbles. Oops! Sorry! Are you okay? Does it hurt? Do you want me to stop?

Too late.

A little or a lot of blood. The hymen, a minute tissue that has never been seen, has been broken. And there it goes. Our virginity. Lost though it was never missing. Given to a man who we have labeled as someone special. Our rose petals have fallen and we become women with full fledged pepas™.

What happens next depends on the situation at hand. We either continue experimenting sexually with the receiver of our V-card or the next man comes along. Because you chose the wrong man. Because you assumed this would lead to something but it was actually nothing. Because you wanted to be rid of your virginity like a wife desperately wishes to dump her husbands clunky, useless man-chair.

My virginity was much like that unmovable chair. At 23, it had become an obstacle to remove, not a gift to give to a loved one. This is surprising to most as I adore my pepa™. One doesn’t treat something or someone you adore with such disregard, but my love for my pepa™ didn’t come onto later in life.  In my 20’s, I didn’t know how to utilize  the power of my parts. And so, like the average 15 year old girl who gives away her virginity blindly,  I gave up my V-card to a man who didn’t matter. I walked into his dorm on a Friday night at 1am, clear in my decision. I crept into his bed and soon felt the pain and the loss of my hymen. With that loss came a little blood. I found it when I wiped myself after using the bathroom. With that loss came the loss of my dignity and self-worth.

Though it was my decision, I don’t wish this experience on any virgin.  No matter how much we want to forget that first time, it shapes us and our view of love and sex.  For me, it confirmed my feelings of worthlessness. The fact that we never had sex again solidified what I had assumed in adolescence: I am unlovable therefor people will always leave me.

So yes, my first time was memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. There was the awkwardness and the surprising displeasure and pain that led to my fingernails clawing into his back. This is sex? I pondered with gritted teeth. This is what mami told me to to hold out for? I questioned as I exhaled to release the sting.

Yes, that was it. And there it went. After 23 years of pride and waiting for the “right” man, my virginity was lost and given to a man who was not so special. After 23 years, my rose petals shed and I became a woman with full fledged pepa™.

SIDENOTE: Until now, I have never told the real story of how I lost my virginity. This was a big step for me so I’d appreciate any comments. If other brave souls want to share their story, please feel free to do so in your comments.

Love Sujeiry is an aspirational lifestyle brand for Latinas and women of color that champions authenticity and manifestation. The owner and founder, Sujeiry Gonzalez, is the host of “Love Sujeiry: Dish Served Raw" on reVolver Podcasts. Previously, she hosted a show on SiriusXM in NYC and Exitos 93.9FM in Los Angeles. The content creator has also been featured on Latina.com, YourTango, Cosmo, Momstatic, Mommynoire, NBC Latino as she inspires women to dish on love, sex, and relationships, and to be their best selves. Sujeiry tells it like it is and shares her triumphs, devastating blows, tales of new mami life, and her creative career moves on her web series, "Love Bytes with Sujeiry," where she is authentically herself and holds nothing back. Ultimately, Love Sujeiry serves to entertain and inspire women to live authentically, find fulfillment through manifestation, love themselves, follow their passions and never ever settle.

  • Sujeiry Gonzalez

    Wow Monica! Your story is so compelling. Thank you so much for sharing such a difficult experience. And that truly all it is: an experience to learn from. You are so much stronger because of it as I am because of my first sexual experience. Some of us just have to learn con mas cocotasos 🙂

    Thanks again for commenting and for supporting my website!

  • Monica

    Hi Sujeiry

    I came across your page before you re-designed it and it has become one of my favorites, it’s were I always go when I need a break from the daily work routing. I really enjoy reading your stories and can relate to many of them, including this one. I too found my virginity an obstacle and for similar reasons as yours, feeling unwanted, unloved. I had a high school sweetheart I was with for almost 7 years, we were engaged and we never were intimate, he always told me he wanted to wait until we got married. Strange right, yeah but I thought it was kind of sweet and that it meant he truly loved and respected me. Was I surprised when he broke up with me, and the reason….he was gay! Yes, imagine the despair, pain, and feelings of loss and deception. Well to make a story short…for several years I wanted nothing to do with men and eventually became a tease, all talk but no action. When I finally decided it was time for me to experience what sex was all about I was 26 and well I gave it up to the first man who crossed my path. I experienced similar feelings to yours, worthlessness and unlovable. While I continued my bed-rocking with this man for almost 6 months, each time it was an emotional roller-coaster because I knew it was all he wanted and needed from me. I eventually saw the light and realized I am worth much more and decided it was time to move on. I have come a long way and have learned to value and love myself…but like you say ghosts from the past always try to make their way back into my life and the feeling of falling back into old habits resurface.

  • Sujeiry Gonzalez

    Aw! You lost it to your high school (puppy) love! I always thought that’s how it would happen for me but there was no one in my high school that I wanted to see me naked lol. Honestly, I was a late bloomer. I wasn’t even thinking about sex in high school and not very much in college either. I guess that’s why it took me so long. For a while, I thought I was asexual!

    So thanks for sharing your experience! It does take courage to share such an intimate moment no matter what the effect it had on us. I thought it was important for me to share the truth, if only to help others realize that our “first” doesn’t have to such an impact. We place so much pressure on that one experience! And your mom was right! Sex can ruin things but if we’re honest with ourselves and take that step when WE’RE ready then that’s all that should matter 🙂

  • Jenny

    Hi Sujeiry,

    First of all, kudos to you for putting everything out there! It takes a whole lot of courage to talk about something so private. And I wouldn’t usually do this but since you were so brave to do it, I figured why not. Losing your virginity to me is one of the biggest moments for a young girl, or at that point a young “woman”. Other moments including finding your first love, getting your period for the first time, marriage, kids, and so on. I remember I was a senior in highschool with my first real boyfriend who i was with for a year. I remember getting that talk from my mom, saying “ay no mija, the longer you wait, the better. When you start having sex, it just complicates all your relationships, your body, blahblah”. But I was young, crazy about my boyfriend and obviously in the middle of what seemed like a rainstorm of hormones lol. And it happened, it was painful at the beginning, but enjoyable after. I thought okay, that was good, great. But what now? As I met other guys, I always tried to keep in the back of my mind that sex shouldnt be a priority. If it happens 2 weeks, 2 months, or a year after it doesnt matter. If it happens, it happens. But I feel like a lot can happen between the two of you that doesn’t necessarily need to involve sex. It’s the same thing with alcohol and a party, you dont always need alcohol to enjoy the party. You can have fun without it too.

    xoxo 😉