Sex Tips

How To Tell Your Man He Needs to Be a Better Lover

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It isn’t easy to tell your boo something he doesn’t want to hear. Forgetting to pay the cable bill on game day is one thing, but when it comes to relationship-threatening conversations it’s important not to be too harsh or hurt his feelings. Because men can hold onto resentment just like women.

But what if you need to talk to him about his whack skills in the sack? Here are a few pointers on how to tell your partner to tighten up his sex game without damaging his ego.

Lead with a compliment.

Sex is a sensitive topic for men, especially if the topic at hand has to do with his performance. If it sounds like you are just taking jabs, you’ll make him feel so self conscious that’s all he will think about when you guys do the ‘do. To ease the blow, it’s important to lead with a compliment. Maybe he is an awesome spooner or he is super attentive. That way, when you are ready to tell him the not so good news, he doesn’t feel like a total nincompoop.

Keep it short and sweet.

Your man doesn’t need to know a play by play of how he isn’t satisfying you. Avoid any long and drawn out details and just get to the point – sweetly.

Show him.

Men are visual creatures. If you want him to thurst more here and position himself there, and not go so fast or “work so hard,” it’s much easier to show him. Play a bit of teacher/student and guide him in the right direction. By doing this you are showing him how to correct his wrongs; plus it allows for fun role playing. That’s not such a bad tradeoff.

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Start slow.

It’s always good to start slow (figuratively and literally) so your boo can fully grasp everything you are showing him – and it doesn’t overwhelm him. Build on his skills so he is able to recreate everything you’ve taught him during your next romp. Trust me, it will be worth it. And in the end your man will be the lover you desire. 

Tiffani is a true city gal, hailing from the concrete jungle of New York City. With a large coffee in tow (that’s pronounced caw-fee to my non-New Yorkers) this closeted “self-help” addict and Lifestyles writer is on a continuous quest to discover how to have the best romantic life. An old soul with new age sarcasm, Tiffani’s sharp, witty and tell-it-like-it-is attitude has resulted in many a snafu as she tries to navigate and conquer the most challenging and complicated assignment of all: dating the New York City man. Come a long for the ride as this seasoned serial dater tries to find balance between her journey to self-love and her old school values on dating and relationships. She writes about her lessons and adventures in dating as a twenty-something millennial and all the new rules that apply.