Sex Tips

Great Chemistry, Bad Sex: Why Sex Can Suck!

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Bad sex happens to the best of us. As seen on Gossip Girl, it even happens to brainy yet hunky Dan Humphrey and the classically beautiful Blair Waldorf. Even when there is chemistry the sex can be clumsy, underwhelming and void of the big O. Why is that so? What stops two people who have the hots for each other to fizzle in bed? So many anti-climactic reasons!

Can’t Take the Pressure/Anticipation

When we’re attracted to someone and that attraction builds we anticipate the best…sex…ever. This leads to expectations and expectations almost always lead to pressure. Will you perform? Will you satisfy? Will you be compared to former lovers? Pressure also comes from the potential aftermath. How will sex change the relationship? For a lot of women, sex is not just a physical act. The anticipation for a deeper emotional connection can kill the moment.

The Hype

Bragging about your sexual prowess can lead others to believe the hype. We assume the sex will be great because they say they are great. Unfortunately, in most cases, it’s all talk. As you lay there waiting for the best…sex…ever, you are left with ugh, ah, ugh, ah? Just like we read in Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles, men who brag the most leave us the most unsatisfied. Don’t believe the hype!

Friends First

When you venture into the bedroom with a friend things tend to get awkward. A friendship establishes a great foundation to build a relationship, but it doesn’t always mean there will be sexual chemistry. Hopefully, it can be worked on as friends make great life partners.

Different Chemistry

Chemistry comes in many forms. You may have great intellectual chemistry but lack in emotional chemistry. The sex may be fantastic where conversations may be a dud. And you can have everything but sexual chemistry. The goal us to be with someone who satiates your sexual appetite while they challenge you mentally, and love you for who you are always and all ways.

Emotional Baggage

Once upon a time a man couldn’t perform because his ex-girlfriend called. Yes. This happened to me and it can happen to you, if you are with someone who still carries a torch for his or her former flame. Aside from the dissatisfaction from his failure to launch, you will feel insecure. Cause it sucks to be compared.

Different Bodies, Different Needs

Everybody’s bodies are different. The groin thrust that pleased your ex may break your current lovers hipbone. Don’t assume that because your ex liked it rough that all women want to bang like porn stars. Don’t assume that your current beau likes a tossed salad because your ex was open (literally) to everything. The best thing to do is to listen to each other’s bodies and go from there.

Can an episode of bad sex be cured? Definitely. All it takes is a little conversation. It may seem uncomfortable at first but isn’t a lifetime of wiggling underneath your partner worse? Yes! The back spasms will get much worse. So open your yap before opening your legs.

Love Sujeiry is an aspirational lifestyle brand for Latinas and women of color that champions authenticity and manifestation. The owner and founder, Sujeiry Gonzalez, is the host of “Love Sujeiry: Dish Served Raw" on reVolver Podcasts. Previously, she hosted a show on SiriusXM in NYC and Exitos 93.9FM in Los Angeles. The content creator has also been featured on Latina.com, YourTango, Cosmo, Momstatic, Mommynoire, NBC Latino as she inspires women to dish on love, sex, and relationships, and to be their best selves. Sujeiry tells it like it is and shares her triumphs, devastating blows, tales of new mami life, and her creative career moves on her web series, "Love Bytes with Sujeiry," where she is authentically herself and holds nothing back. Ultimately, Love Sujeiry serves to entertain and inspire women to live authentically, find fulfillment through manifestation, love themselves, follow their passions and never ever settle.