Sex Tips

The Dos and Dont’s of Getting Busy with a New Lover

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The first time I had sex with Dick (no pun) was just awkward. We were about to see each other in all our glory; the sexual anticipation had reached its peak, so to speak.

Dick and I had been seeing each other a little while and really hit it off. Whenever we were within a few feet of each other we were all over each other – and it didn’t matter if we were in public. Our make out sessions (complete with some very light groping) would get hotter and hotter. Finally, after a few months, it was time. Dick and I were finally lighting the match to our flame. Our fiery sex bomb would surely shake the ground. The moment finally came and…AWKWARD.

In fact, neither of us had a clue what to do. He didn’t know how to please a woman, and I didn’t know what I was (or wasn’t) in for. Sex was over quicker than anticipated.

Our first time was so bad there was barely enough fire between us to light a wick of a Bath and Body Works’ candle.

Without giving away every waking detail of my sexual misadventures, as well as that of my fellow man, I’ve compiled a tip or two on some dos and dont’s for that first close encounter of the naked kind. Call it sex etiquette, if you will….

Get her fully turned on.

 “Foreplay!” Annette, 27, of Brooklyn, yelled, “that would definitely be my number one DO!” She’s right. According to recent studies, it takes a woman about 20 minutes to get fully turned on; when you’re about to have sex with someone new, you have to be 100 percent into it before the act.

It’s rare to find a woman where a lover doesn’t have to put in a little work to turn her on. “Maybe it’s kisses, touching, or a little bit of both,” Annette continued. “Hell, some women get turned on by words.”

That’s where Dick and I went wrong: we didn’t set the mood. We got right into it as if we were working out at the gym – without stretching. Even in porn there is some badly acted out and super cheesy foreplay before the clothes fly off. That’s how important foreplay is!

And men need foreplay too.

While they don’t need as much tempting and teasing to get turned on, their parts need some attention, ladies – so don’t be selfish!

Thinking too hard also kills sex.

Not being in the moment during sex (especially with someone new) is a definite no-no. Will, 25, of Staten Island had the unfortunate experience with a fine woman who didn’t seem like she wanted to be there at all. “She made it super awkward. I swear, I thought I saw her mouthing her to-do list during mid act!” How rude!

Nerves can get the best of you.

And why wouldn’t you be nervous? If sex the first time is terrible, it can lead to questioning the relationship. Luckily, there is something you can do to ease that tension. Selene, 28, of Manhattan gives herself a little pep talk before she does the do with someone new.

“I think [the experience] is a little nerve wracking for both men and women, so I like to remind myself that this is a new opportunity to have new and hopefully better sex [than with the last partner.]”

So take advantage of that, explore and don’t sweat the small stuff! Same goes for you, guys.

PLUS: 5 Ways to Amp Up Sex When Dating an Adventurous Lover

“Guys wanna make sure they are good, especially if they under performed in the past,” Selene added, “but that’s the great thing about being with someone new, they don’t know about your bad times so don’t even worry about it.”

Just be ready.

Know you’re having sex with your bae for the first time? Shave those legs, take a warm bath and get overall prepped! Gerry, 31, also of Staten Island thinks this can boost your confidence. “We want to make as good of an impression as possible so we want to make sure our legs are shaved, we are wearing something sexy and we have fresh pedicures,” she said. And it’s not all for the men. “Being physically prepared is just as important to us,” she went on, “as the saying goes, ‘When my nails are on point. I’m on point.’ Same rules apply for sex.”

Alas, there isn’t a surefire way to ensure first-time sex rocks your world. There may be some roadblocks that even the most experienced can’t avoid…because sometimes shit just happens and the sex is just bad. Sometimes the chemistry falls shorter than expected. But, let’s think positive! Go ‘head, use one of these tips (or all) the next time you hit the sack with someone new. Create a few fireworks, or at least light a candle or two. Just make sure to blow them out before bed.

Tiffani is a true city gal, hailing from the concrete jungle of New York City. With a large coffee in tow (that’s pronounced caw-fee to my non-New Yorkers) this closeted “self-help” addict and Lifestyles writer is on a continuous quest to discover how to have the best romantic life. An old soul with new age sarcasm, Tiffani’s sharp, witty and tell-it-like-it-is attitude has resulted in many a snafu as she tries to navigate and conquer the most challenging and complicated assignment of all: dating the New York City man. Come a long for the ride as this seasoned serial dater tries to find balance between her journey to self-love and her old school values on dating and relationships. She writes about her lessons and adventures in dating as a twenty-something millennial and all the new rules that apply.