Sex

How Too Much Porn Can Ruin Your Relationship

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During the summer I landed a job piercing ears and selling jewelry at a local mall. It was a decent gig, I spent a lot of time eating discounted goods from the food court, scoping out cute girls and gossiping with my co-workers. One day during one of our many tea sessions, my co-worker revealed that she had a strange charge on her debit card of $49.95 and a couple other weird sites. These charges appeared after she let her boyfriend use her debit card days before. After intensive research, we discovered he had subscribed to an ebony porn site in addition to some elderly porn.

Before we go deeper into this tale of betrayal, let me rewind and tell you a bit about my co-worker. Brittany is a plus-sized, blonde-haired assistant manager who works 12-hour shifts, 5 or 6 days a week. Although she’s an open person, Brittany’s very self-conscious and hardly has sex. She says it’s because she’s always working, too tired to have intercourse after work and doesn’t feel her man is attracted to her. To make matters worse, he doesn’t even initiate sex!

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As you can imagine, when she found the porn site charges her confidence plummeted as embarrassment set in.  With tears in her eyes, she expressed how hurt, betrayed and stupid she felt about the whole ordeal. It’s understandable; I would be heavily pissed and embarrassed if I discovered my boyfriend was getting off on women who didn’t resemble me at all, using my credit card and not trying to sex me down after a long day at work – oh no!

Aside from the upset, excessively watching porn can also ruin a relationship. Here’s how:

Your partner will expect sex to be like a porn flick. 

When a person feels the need to compare their sex life to that of highly trained, professional porn stars it ruins the reality of their actual sex life. It is also unfair to compare their lover’s performance to that of a porn star because it lowers their partner’s confidence due to unrealistic expectations.

You may not be able to scratch your lover’s sex itch.

An obsession to porn may lead your lover to push you to alter your appearance or do something that you are uncomfortable with sexually (like threesomes or recording sexual acts). This is only okay if you feel it is okay. Otherwise, find someone willing to bang your brains out just as you are.

Some people watch porn to the point where they can’t perform with their lover.

This means one person is being satisfied while the other is missing out.

An excessive use of porn could leave a lover frustrated.

I personally notice a change in my mood and attitude due to sex withdrawals. This causes unnecessary arguments, tension and problems in my relationship. If you’re anything like me, you probably need sex on a sometimes daily basis. That may not happen if your significant other doesn’t put away the porn away and tries some actual penetration.

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Watching porn daily can cause health issues.

Chances are if your lover is watching porn daily they are masturbating just as much. This can lead to chaffing, swelling and infections in his or her private parts, especially if they are constantly playing with themselves without proper sanitation or protection. It’s a prime example of ‘too much of a good thing.’ Besides, the real thing rather is so much better (literally!) and will greatly improve your relationship.

Ciara is a Virginia-born, New York made journalist advocating for a woman’s right to live and love whomever, wherever and however she likes. When she is not relishing in a good book or being a self-proclaimed yogi and wine connoisseur, she enjoys destroying slut-shaming ideologies and empowering women. She is currently pursuing a degree in Journalism with a minor in Gender & Sexuality Studies while simultaneously exploring her sexual being and sharing her experiences, journey and advice with fellow millennial women.