Sex

Men Share Real Reasons Why They Don’t Want to Have Sex

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I was always told that men were after one thing – sex. This held true through most of my adult life, until I met a man who had no interest in becoming intimate with me. He didn’t even want to sleep in the same bed with me. Naturally, I began to wonder if I was the problem. This had to be about me, right?

One very late night I had my answer: he took me by the hand and confided that he had been molested by a close family member. I was the first person he had ever told. His entire life he struggled with becoming emotionally attached and being sexually intimate with women. He had previously resorted to alcohol and drugs to engage in intercourse. I was both shocked and saddened. Our relationship ended a few weeks later. He had deep emotional issues and he refused to seek counseling.

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So, you see, it’s not always about you! Don’t want to take my word for it? I asked a few good men for their perspective. Here is why some men don’t want to have sex.

He was sexually abused.

Per my experience, if a man was the victim of sexually abuse as child, he might hold off on having sex. He’s probably working through deep-seated issues. This is an extremely difficult situation, and there is often little you can do about it.

He has an STD.

One of the guys told me that he dreads having sex with a new girl because they all ask the same question: do you have an STD? Unfortunately for him, he does. During one careless night in college, he had unprotected sex and contracted herpes. Although he hasn’t had a flare up in years, he has to inform new partners. For this reason, he puts off sex as long as possible. He fears he will lose the new lady in his life.

He has a small penis.

That’s right, some guys hold off on doing the deed because they don’t want to disappoint you down there. Men know when they are below average in size, and this can be intimidating when having sex for the first time. No man wants the new girl in their life to feel unsatisfied sexually because his penis is the size of a light switch.

He is in another relationship.

Sounds crazy, huh? It’s not! Some people, not just men, justify cheating by saying things like, “It’s not like we had sex!” This guy won’t be hard to figure out. You will see him every few days; his cell phone will always be on silent; and he will never be able to spend the night. He will make up a million excuses as to why he can’t have sex. The real reason: he has a girlfriend!

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He has religious reasons.

There are men who hold off on having sex because of their religion. They want to wait until marriage. So it’s important to talk about morals and values when getting to know a new man. This way you know in the beginning if your new guy is sexually active. If he isn’t, there’s nothing wrong with him, but you must respect him and his beliefs – or move on.

Living in the suburbs of Philadelphia, Tabitha is a self-proclaimed free spirit who travels extensively throughout the USA. She has a bold writing style and offers her insight on love, dating and relationships on LoveSujeiry.com and TheDatingMix.com. She writers from her own experience as an independent woman exposed to the world of modern-day dating. Her goal is to enable women to value themselves above all else and find happiness in this great big world.

  • chromecommando

    I know this was posted a while ago but as a male and a therapist, I guess I could add in my contribution. Few good points were mentioned but there are many more:

    – Stress can cause men to not be in mood.

    – Medication can alter functions and behavior.

    – Impotency, the gult and shame associated with it.

    – Unsolved conflict in the relationship like how the two of you behave, generally and/or sexually.

    – Performance anxiety, somewhat related to not wanting to disappoint.

    – Physical illness/mental illness can cause issues.

    – Shame, whether present, or learnt as sex as a dirty behavior.

    – Issues with close associates like family, relatives and friends.

    – Previous disappointment of trying to pleasure partner, self-sufficient circle.

    – Low testosterone production, directly ties to sexual appetite.

    – Porn and masturbation.

    And then there are the rarer alternatives like cheating caused by insecurity in current relationshhip, or confusion over self sexuality.