I get it fellas, I totally understand. It can be hard to get a woman’s attention when you are trying to spit game. Getting that number can be tricky, especially when hitting on her over social media or text. And we all know how tacky pick up lines can be (and they never work ). But, offering to go “half on a baby” (a.k.a. starting a family ) before we go on an actual date? That’s just ridiculous.
Weirdly enough, “let’s have a baby” is the go-to thing men say to me when trying to get my digits. Apparently, millennial men have developed a sudden case of baby fever.
Take Mr. M. We dated when I was fresh out of college and while I was ready to settle down, Mr. M would later tell me that he just wasn’t ready for that type of commitment (which would result in some MAJOR heartbreak on my petite lil’ heart). Years later, Mr. M finally came around and wanted to give us another shot. But I just was too afraid for my petite lil’ heart and declined. We remained cordial but as life goes, we got so busy that we lost touch. Until now.
There was Mr. M in my DMs a year after our last point of contact.
Him: Hey Tiff, how’s it going?
Me: Good, what are you up to?
Him: Oh, same ol, same ol, just working. How’s the hubby and kids?
Me: LOL. No hubby and kids here yet! Just me, myself and I.
As the convo continued we began talking about our goals. That’s when things took a very unexpected turn.
Me: So, what are your plans for the future?
Him: Work and a kid by my thirties.
Him: Yea you got any plans? We can get started on the baby now.
Yes. Yes he just did.
It was awkward considering I had never been propositioned to be someones baby’s mom. And through a DM. And while I’m sure that he was kidding, I believe there’s truth behind every joke. Especially because instead of brushing it off with a ‘JK’, Mr. M kept it real.
Me: Ha. You’re funny. (What the hell else do you say to a man you’re not dating who says they want to have your baby?)
Him: Yea, but I’m ready for family, and you’re pretty and have your shit together.
By that point, feeling partially flattered and partially insulted, I did what any other woman would: I changed the subject and made an excuse to get the hell outta this convo! That would surely never happen again.
Then came Dee.
Dee slid in my DMs (through a different social media platform, people, don’t judge me) after some light social flirting (liked pictures and dropping casual emojis). So it was nothing serious. I had no clue who Dee really was, other than what I had learned from his profile; that he was a hardworking, sports fan who just so happens to be a father. Which is why I wasn’t expecting what came next.
Me: How’s the assignment going?
Him: It’s going well. Do you have any kids?
Me: No, not yet.
Him: Let’s change that.
It was late so I thought I had read the message wrong. But no, this man just totally said he wants to have kids with me after 5 minutes of casual conversation.
Another time he was much more direct.
Him: So, when are we gonna have this baby?
Me: How’s tomorrow, are you free? I was desperately trying to change the subject back to our date.
Him: No, I’m busy…I have plans for you though, girl, we’re definitely gonna have a child.
Is this a thing now? I wondered. Have men really traded places with women and caught baby fever?
I laughed it off but I was terrified. I’m happy that more young men want to be fathers, but let’a work on the timing and build a relationship first. Then I think we’ll be in business. I’m not complaining though. As far as I’m concerned, this is a step in the right direction for millennial men. A big ass step, but a step no less.