Social media has made me not very good at dating. Don’t get me wrong, I make a fantastic date. I can turn on the charm, deliver a warm smile, touch my date’s arm so he knows I’m interested and be accidentally funny in a way that locks in a second date. What social media has done is turn me into the judgmental monster that I’m not in the real world. If I meet someone interesting while I’m out with my girls all I care about is whether I should offer my phone number or wait and see if he’ll ask for mine.
On Tinder? OkCupid? If we’re a match, I’m looking at your pictures and your profile and judging you on the most arbitrary things. Things I have no business determining people’s personality from and know are completely ridiculous.
In the last month between the NBA finals and the 2014 FIFA World Cup, I’ve been judging my matches by the sports team they root for. What authority do I have on sports? None. I’m pretty sure my center of gravity is nonexistent; I trip on a daily basis so I can’t do anything that requires actual coordination. But that doesn’t matter when it comes to judging someone in the social media age, right? The following is my fool proof ( no it’s not) completely accurate (mostly inaccurate) list of what your date’s sports team says about him.
The Miami Heat
This can go one of two ways: 1) He jumped on the band wagon when Lebron joined so he’s a follower. 2) He likes the most arrogant team in the NBA. I dated an arrogant athlete where I had to do all the work–in every aspect of our relationship. No, just no. None of these options bode well for the guy on Tinder who’s bio reads “Go Heats. No Haters.”
The San Antonio Spurs
A man who likes the Spurs is a man who likes a team that does things the right way. He may not be very exciting, He may not be the bad boy with a heart of gold but he’s consistent and he’s a winner.
The New York Knicks
I’d say a man who likes the New York Knicks ( or the Mets, or insert any team that hasn’t won a title in forever) is a loyal man. Years and years of frustratingly watching your team lose is no easy feat. This is a man who can stay by his team’s side hoping that every year is THE year. Either that or it’s a borderline abusive relationship he can’t let go of, according to a male friend of mine. I say let your outlook on life determine which theory works for you.
The Dallas Cowboys
Most people have a love/ hate relationship with this team. They were America’s team in the 90’s and have spent a lot of money trying to recapture that magic. But their fans? Every year they think it’s their year and are very vocal about it. So I have mixed feelings about a guy who likes the Cowboys. On the one hand, I love the tenacity. On the other hand, I’d like him to be a little more humble.
The Boston Red Sox
I rep New York and bleed blue til the end, therefore dating a Red Sox fan is sacrilegious where I come from. So nope. Nope. Nope. However, if we’re entering a Romeo and Juliet type of situation (you know, without the death part) I might be down for it.
Tell us. What are some ridiculous things you judge people by when dating online and off?