I’ve never been comfortable with being the only single woman in a room full of couples. It would wreak havoc on my confidence and I had these soul-searching breakdowns where I questioned why I hadn’t had a date in months, or even a prospect, and what was wrong with me. It’s especially difficult to be the token single girl when you don’t have much to update your married and coupled up friends about your life. Except to boast about that new restaurant you went to…alone. Or share that you have a fully stocked and ever-growing makeup collection, which you are damn proud of by the way.
All of this can get to a gal and start making her question her life choices and future. And while I am genuinely happy for all my friends who are expanding their families and/or getting married, being single when your entire circle is committed can get downright awkward. It’s bad enough that my father, my brother or someone’s drunk uncle is my only dance partner at weddings or family gatherings. God bless them, really. I don’t even get a plus one option anymore on the invite.
I’m also not invited to “couples only” dinners or movie nights. Excuse me! I want to recline on my seat and munch on popcorn while I watch a great flick! I want a full-service movie waitstaff even though I don’t have a date!
Sometimes it feels like I’m walking around with the scarlet letter ‘S’ attached to my chest. Not only does it leave an open target on my back for plenty of unwanted attention by slackers, old men, and losers alike, it sends a signal to girlfriends to clutch their boo’s arm a bit tighter (as if I’m going to pounce on their men like a scene straight outta Mean Girls). Plus, it’s tiring to navigate being hit on when you’re waiting for a train or just trying to turn up with friends, especially when you don’t have a boyfriend to be your buffer.
Don’t get me wrong, being single definitely has its fair share of perks. Aside from the freedom to do what I want, with whom I want, whenever I want, I’ve always loved the fact that as a single gal I can devote all my time and attention to spoiling and really taking care myself. I enjoy getting to really know who I am and what I want, and mapping out my future. As my grandmother always told me when I was a little girl, “You are responsible for your own happiness. It’s no one else’s job but your own.” Grandma was a true fountain of wisdom. As I continue to date and explore life, I always remember grandma’s words.
However, as I am getting older, being single can also be frustrating as it opens the door to an unwanted and unsolicited “help” and “advice.” I appreciate my relatives’ concerns, which can border on pity, when I constantly show up to family parties and holiday functions solo, but I don’t need my aunts hooking me up with anybody – especially when they usually have girlfriends or are gay. True story.
It’s also annoying not having a plus one at weddings and other celebrations. My bestie doesn’t count as a date, my family tells me, neither does any new guy I’m just dating. I’m treated as a last minute addition or sometimes I’m not included at all. Even worse, the constant reminders of my single status due to social media. I’m more than happy for my coworkers and friends and their impending motherhood (hits like button 3…no…4 times) and for the friends who got engaged after knowing their significant other for just a few months (starts questioning life… hits like button anyway); and let’s not forget the friends celebrating another year of coupledom, (okay….enough, you guys are killing me! Hits like button) but it sucks to be single when everyone else in the entire world since to be someone’s partner.
So, yeah. I’m tired of being a bridesmaid, a sidekick and a last minute plus one for a cousin or family friend. I’m tired of all my friends being in committed relationships. I would love to have someone to share my days with, my lows and my highs (and complaints), and to watch sports events with. I’d love to have a permanent snuggle buddy. Instead, I sleep alone, complain about my life to my mom and my girlfriends, and take selfies while out and about on my single gal adventures. Don’t judge. That selfie stick takes a mean selfie. So stop staring couples!