Being a Sugar Momma/Sugar Baby sure ain’t what it used to be. Typically, when one thinks of a Sugar Momma or Sugar Daddy they picture an out of shape man or woman of a mature age, sporting a full (or balding) set of gray locks because they’re holding onto their youth via their roots. They also tend to use their money, power and success to date and spoil much younger men and women.
That was then. Now, we have a modern way of “sugaring.” Millennials are switching up the rules and redefining how they want to be taken care of; believe it or not, Sugar Mommas and Sugar Daddies are just as young as Sugar Babies.
Not only are millennials embracing being Sugar Babies, they are also turning to men and women their own age to get what they need. And what they need has also shifted. This new generation of Sugar Babies is seeking more than monetary gain and financial security. I should know. At only 20-something, I unknowingly became a full-fledged, card-carrying member of the Sugar Mommas Club.
Our relationship began like most relationships do these days – with a DM. Before I knew it, one thing led to another and we were in a “situationship.” Some friends, however, noted red flags. They invited me out for gal time and what began as the usual coffee/catch-up turned into an intervention.
“He is totally using you girl!” one yelled.
“Situationship my ass, he doesn’t deserve you!” another added.
“You’ve turned into his Sugar Momma!”
As they continued to tear down my new love affair, I quietly sipped my Mocha Latte and zoned out. I know it sounds rude, but at the time I didn’t see their point of view or understood why they were so worried.
Sometimes when you’re in some shit, you really can’t see past the shit.
I took their words with a grain of salt and promised to do better…with my fingers secretly crossed behind my back.
Weeks passed and I continued to see my SB. I really did like him, we had a ball together and the sex was the bomb. I did start noticing some strange patterns. Whenever SB and I would go out on dates, I usually paid our way. I’ve always been a giving person so at first I didn’t mind, but after nearly a year of this scenario I realized I was constantly coming out of pocket while remaining in the ‘friend zone.’
“I’m not friendzoning you,” he’d state while working. He’d often call me from his job. “Things are too hectic at home for us to talk.’’ (More on that later). “I’m just not ready to make that jump yet,” he continued. “It’s gonna take some time.”
Foolish me, I believed him. I gave SB more “time” and my Sugar Momma charge card was in constant use. Oh, I also provided him with food and shelter when he couldn’t handle the drama at home. SB wasn’t only using me for monetary gain, he was also using me as a reprieve from his reality.
Turns out he was unhappy at home with his girlfriend. Yes, he had a girlfriend. (Hence our “situationship” and why we rarely talked outside of his job.) And I was always there for him after every argument. Whenever shit hit the fan I would happily take him in, take him out and give him a listening ear where he would vent to me about another woman. He hated work and often would call me to “escape the 9 to 5 madness.” I soon realized that all of our dates, dinners, conversations and even sex were all carefully mapped out so he could continue living a double life with his Sugar Momma. Um, that was meeeeee!
Perhaps it was the wine I gulped down on our last date, or the anger I felt after it dawned on me that my friends were right: I had wasted my time with SB and was being used. And while the sex was amazing, I couldn’t take being a Sugar Momma any longer. I broke things off immediately after my epiphany. Okay, I lied; we hooked up a few times. But don’t tell my friends that!
So, you see, anyone can be a Sugar Momma or Sugar Daddy. Anyone can be bamboozled. Even me, the gal who often prides herself on being one step ahead of most men.
It’s easy to believe you’re not being used when a man or woman you’re dating isn’t looking for money, status or power, rather for an emotional, mental and physical escape from their lives when Adulting gets a bit too real. It’s easy to be fooled when the Sugar Baby game has changed. Cause the Millennial Sugar Baby is looking for a new type of sugar.