There’s this middle point in a relationship where you’re not a couple but you’re dating exclusively. You know what I mean. He hasn’t met your momma, yet you share the recipe she’ll cook for him when they meet. His friends have stalked your Facebook profile and your friends his. You’re spending weekends together but are still figuring out what to call each other.
Those dreaded labels! They can complicate things but they are a necessary evil. And don’t let a man tell you otherwise.
What can also complicate your blooming not-just-dating relationship is focusing on the lust and not discussing your needs, likes and core values. Here are five conversations that you should have when dating.
1. The day to day. What this comes down to is schedules. You can’t be in a relationship if you don’t see the person. Let’s say he works nights and you work mornings. Or you write on some weekends(like moi) and he plays sports every Sunday. When will quality time happen? Once you compare schedules you can arrange one-on-one time. It’s important to know this in advance so you know how his schedule will affect yours and vice versa when you are in a full-blown relationship.
2. The ‘C’ word. And I mean ‘cheating.’ Share what constitutes as cheating in a relationship. You’d be surprised how many people don’t talk about this and are shocked when their love kisses someone else and says, “But it was just a kiss!” If you set these parameters in advance, you’ll have less trouble down the road. Hopefully.
3. Location, location, location. Where do you live? Where does he? Does he ever want to relocate? Do you dream about living in the Caribbean? These questions may not seem necessary early on, but it matters long term. If you are dating someone who is only in your city for a year or two, what happens then? You see how this can become a thorn in your romance.
4. Babies and thangs. At 36, I don’t want to date a man who doesn’t want kids or doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage, or God. It’s about core values. Is he family oriented? Is that important? Do you want a house in Florida or do you want to rent an apartment in NYC ala Carrie Bradshaw? Do you want to live together before marriage? Would you want to raise children in church? Or are you religious at all? It may seem like intense talk, but this is how you learn about the person, their lifestyle, and if there is compatibility.
5. Arguments, jealousy and pet peeves. No one is perfect and something or someone will set us off at some point. That’s why it’s important to gauge a man’s tolerance level for things. You should also know if the guy you’re dating is the jealous type, and what kind of things will make you both uncomfortable. Is he okay with you talking to exes? Does he have a lot of girls who are friends? How does he argue? What gets on his nerves? When you talk this out, along with the rest, you begin to understand the man behind the lust and why you have mutual magnetic chemistry. That’s when you can decide with sound heart and mind if this guy is the guy to call your guy.