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I May Get a Facelift…on My Vagina

blood splatter vagina facelift

Sex

I May Get a Facelift…on My Vagina

My vagina may need a facelift. Yes. I said vagina facelift. Cause he looks kind of old and sad. Probably cause she’s getting all gray and shit. 

My vagina may need a facelift. Yes. I said vagina facelift. Cause she looks old and sad. Probably cause she’s getting all gray and shit. 

No, I do not wax my vage like every millennial. I am proud of mis pelos and rather not look like a newborn. Although, that may be better than looking like a woman who needs elder care. 

So, what am I doing about it? I am a fixer. I see a problem and try to find a solution STAT! because I am not good a being unhappy. Some of you can be unhappy for years, decades even, and be all like, “yeah, that’s life.” Well, it’s not going to be my life, dammit! I may just get a fucking vagina facelift! I mean, I would get an actual facelift. I’m already stressing my crows feet and the lines underneath my eyes. I apply anti-aging cream twice day as if it’s going to revert my skin to that of a newborn.

I need to save my vagina from aging! 

PLUS: My Vagina Didn’t Want to Deliver My Baby

Enter the Vampire Wing Lift™ created by Dr. Charles Runels, MD, aka “Orgasm Doctor,” who was made famous by Kim Kardashian when she underwent his Vampire Facelift® and Vampire Facial® procedures. The Vampire Wing Lift™ is said to rejuvenate the labia by using “blood-derived growth factors.” I don’t understand what any of that means, but I’m in! 

Why a facelift on the vage? Dr. Runels said that he “wanted to provide women with an easy way to restore volume and color to the labia major” and “to provide a younger and natural appearance for whatever is natural for each individual woman. ” So you can’t get Kim K’s labia majora. Not all labias are the same, mujeres!

Just like the face, the labia majora gets saggy with age and “loses volume.” To help the vage, the good doc uses Juvederm® with blood-derived growth factors, the same as he does for the Vampire Facelift® procedure, to get your precious vagina some color. I mean, who doesn’t want a colorful vagina?! 

I don’t. I change my mind. I am going to embrace my aging vagina. I will let her almost-40-elderly-flag fly. Cause I’m too old to stress this shit. 

Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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