Mami Wants Me To Have More Sex

“You should have sex at least twice a week.” That’s what Mami said to me a month ago. My mother is advising me on how often I should be getting busy with my fiance. The woman who was celibate for 20 some odd years. 

I stare her for a while. Stare at her in disbelief as if an alien has taken over her plump body. 

“Mi hija…ponte la pila y has el amor!” 

“But…I’m tired, we’re tired. We have a toddler…we work…it’s a lot!” 

“That doesn’t matter,” Mami retorts while flipping a chuleta over in a frying pan, “if you’re not having sex at least twice a week, you’re relationship is in trouble.”

I guess Boo and I are doomed. Cause that shit just ain’t happenning. 

I love sex. I really, really do. And I love having sex with Boo. I orgasms pretty quickly because he knows my sweet spot and I’m so backed up that I just burst like a teenage boy who has discovered his penis and the joy of masturbation. Thing is this parenting thing isn’t as easy as we thought it would be. Boo especially.

“People always complain about being parents and how tired they are, ” he said when I was 8 months pregnant, “but not every situation is the same!” 

I nodded although I knew what we were in for. I have close friends and family with children and have witnessed first hand how life changes when one takes on the role of parent. Relationships change. And you’re fucking exhausted for the first year or two after having the baby. Still, I lied to Boo and told him what he wanted to hear. 

“Yeah, it’s different for everyone.”

I didn’t want to disagree with him. I didn’t want to pop his bubble. Ignorance is bliss, as they say, and I gave Boo the gift of reveling in his fantasy for a little while longer. Funny thing is even after knowing all of this, I am even shocked at how much having a baby has affected my relationship. I knew it would be different, that having a baby would alter our union and that being parents means we have to put Evan first. Sometimes even before our relationship. I just didn’t think it would affect our sex life as much as it has.

Boo and I never had sex every day, at least not since the beginning of our relationship. We did, however, have sex multiple times a week. After Evan, not so much. But it’s not just because of Evan. After having the baby, I got very sick and stayed in the NICU for a week. More health problems followed suit. Trust me, there’s nothing sexy about shingles and multiple Cat-Scans. It was a very trying time and we’re just getting back to us. 

I am just getting back to me. I am just back to being sexy, confident and boss lady Sujeiry again – not just mama.

So, sorry mami. Boo and I aren’t getting it on as frequently as abuelitas. Oh, you didn’t hear? Grandparents are having lots of sex. Christine Heumann, a doctor at Detroit Medical Center’s Receiving Hospital and medical director at the Detroit Public Health STD Clinic, reported that although older people are living longer they’re also having more sex with multiple partners. The old people’s home is popping because 65 is the new 45! Heeeeey!

There’s just one thing: a study reports that old folks are having unprotected sex. Another shocking statistic: a quarter of those with HIV in the United States are 55 and older.

Now I wonder what Mami has been doing on the down low, since she’s so adamant that I jump Boo’s bones even when covered in throw up. It doesn’t matter if I feel like a zombie, I must ride Boo twice a week. I’m working on it mami – really. But first, let me get you a condom.