My dear friend since childhood went through a breakup last year with her partner of over a year. Since the heartbreaking breakup, Tasha vowed to remain single for a year for a plethora of reasons: to find herself; to prove she can be independent and does not need a man by her side; and, of course, to have fun as a single gal. However, during one of our recent girl nights she told me about a new guy she was seeing – John. And, as she put it, he is amazing. They have common interests, they are studying the same subject in grad school, and they love spending time together. My friend now wants a relationship with John.
This was confusing, as I felt the vow of singlehood was important to Tasha. So, I asked her, “What about him makes you want to break your promise to yourself?” Tasha couldn’t answer me. She just isn’t sure.
In a similar scenario? Here is some advice to help you decide if the new guy you’re casually dating is worth giving up your single status.
If the guy you’re dating is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, keep walking, girl. A worthy guy should have his shit together before he becomes an important part of your life. If he’s got his head on straight, and isn’t randomly giving you the cold shoulder after sex (it happens), give him a shot.
If you’re hooking up with a sexy slacker or casually seeing a job-hopping cutie, more power to you. But, if you are giving up your single gal fun time for a man who has no goals, it’s a waste. How can he include you in life plans that don’t exit? He can’t. Granted, he doesn’t need to plan a trip to the moon with NASA, but he should be motivated and ambitious.
Not Sleeping with Anyone Else
Like it or not (I don’t!), people partake in casual dating. And with it comes casual sex. Tasha hinted that John was still sleeping with a previous girlfriend when they began sleeping together. Tasha didn’t mind because her and John were not committed. If you are taking things to the next level, however, any and all side-sex should end at once.
You Want a Relationship With Him
You better not be sliding back into bad habits and entering a relationship for the wrong reasons. Tasha is someone who thrives in relationships; hence her singlehood vow and needing alone time to find herself. I asked her to reflect on John to make sure he is the guy she wants to be in a relationship with – and not just that she wants to be in a relationship. Don’t be someone’s partner just to make them happy or because you hate being single.
He’s a Good Guy
This may seem like a no-brainer but many of us forget that a caring and kind man is essential to having a healthy relationship. Does he ask you how you are feeling? Would he open the door for an elderly woman or walk right through? Is he going to make your happiness a priority? If so, proudly give up your single status. If he’s a joke and a jerk, give him up and own your singlehood proudly.