James was a conservative guy. Raised to be super religious, I found him to be respectful. Plus, he seemed to really like me. James was definitely the type of guy I could take home to momma.
One afternoon we decided to go on a movie date. We hopped in his car and he kissed my hand while he drove – and my heart melted. At the theater, we found our seats, which reclined all the way back. It was like we were watching the movie in bed. Though romantic, this made me nervous. I wore a dress and didn’t want to accidentally flash James. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.
We held hands throughout the movie. Clasped together, they rested on my stomach. I then felt his eyes bore into me. James was just staring at me. I thought he wanted to kiss me so I turned to look at him. But he just had a blank stare on his face. Slightly creeped out, I looked back at the screen. That’s when I felt him tugging at my hand. Oh! He probably wants to kiss it like he did in the car ride, I thought. I let go and let him bring my hand toward him, expecting to feel his lips. Only it was his crotch.
Who did he think I was, Alanis Morissette? I mean power to you, Alanis, but I couldn’t. I would never go down on a man in a theater.
I snatched my hand back, placed it on my lap, looked at him and said, “no.” Minutes later, he reached out for my hand and held it again. And then he tugged it and placed it on his crotch. AGAIN. I actually felt something that time, too.
I looked at him, annoyed. Does your religion approve of penis touching in a public place on a second date?! I wanted to yell. Can’t a girl just eat popcorn and watch a damn movie?!
I turned back to the movie screen. I couldn’t bare to look at him. I reached over to grab a fistful of popcorn from the giant bag we shared. I fished around for a bit. But the bag wasn’t there.
James moved it hoping that I would accidentally stroke his penis while looking for popcorn.
So much for bringing him home to mom.