Saying “I need a man!” leads to venting and soon wallowing.
I’ve joined a few online dating sites since my breakup with Paco. Initially, I was excited to “get out and date” in LA and experience something knew. And I also wanted to meet my future husband, like STAT.
Because of my need to build a partnership with a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally (like NOW!!!) I quickly became frustrated with the process. When I went on a date with a seemingly great guy and the second date never happened, I became increasingly exasperated about my singlehood.
Then a good friend came over for dinner. I was venting and whining about being single and how in just a month I haven’t met anyone serious via any of the sites I have registered for. She listened and asked questions. She’s a therapist and so an informal session began.
I won’t go into the details of our informal session but I will share what I learned: if we are exasperated and feel desperate to have something that something will not come along. That’s the case in relationships and career. That’s also the case if we want to have children. Anything that we want, we must believe we will receive and just KNOW.
Of course it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t vent. I believe that venting is healthy. Pretending that things don’t get to us and living in a bubble of happy thoughts isn’t realistic. Shit happens and we get pissed and we want to cry and shout and sometimes even slash a tire or two (I do not condone this behavior!) The point is that we have to find a balance between venting and wallowing.
Now, since that dinner with my friend, I have been focusing on my well being, family, friends and career. I’ve been socializing and meeting more people here in LA and enjoying my life as a single woman, not feeling terrible because of it. I’m still on a few dating sites but no longer placing that pressure on myself and on men that I meet to find someone now, STAT.
And because of that I know my man will come.
Photo Credit: Flickr/AKSeez