I never thought I’d be that girl. The one who plops down on the couch after a long work week and stares blankly at the television. The one who snores loudly only to be nudged by her partner while he whispers, “Stop snoring!” The one who is oblivious to her partner’s attempts at seduction when he dabs on Jovan Musk.
After 4 years of couplehood and a toddler running us ragged, Boo and I are pooped. Couple that exhaustion with work responsibilities, personal to-do lists, birthday parties, family gatherings, and pop culture’s affinity with staying connected via social media, and it’s no wonder we find little time to genuinely connect. And by we, I also mean, you, chicas. Many of our relationships are flailing because we are failing at true intimacy.
It’s so easy to forget those loving feelings, the za za zoo that zipped through our limbs when romance is new and electric. It’s also just as easy to lift up your relationship from that stinking heap of laundry on the floor.
First things first, take a social media hiatus.To reconnect with myself, and in turn, my love, I took a social media break. For months, I obsessed over posting on Instagram and my number of followers and likes. Being online became second nature, and I found myself scrolling through my newsfeed and timeline while out with Boo, spending family time, and even while trying to relax during my weekend self-care ritual. Realizing this was counterproductive to experiencing life and my relationship, I scheduled my social media consumption to only a few hours a week. Now, instead of capturing moments and posting about them, I’m creating memories. This shift has bettered my relationship. We are spending more focused time together. We are laughing more, conversing and enjoying being a family much more. Especially when I put away my phone, throw on something cute and sexy, and sprinkle a little Jovan Musk.
Put your phone on Do Not Disturb. That’s right, that means no one can bother you when you’re connecting with your boo. It’s a necessary evil as statistics show that 42% of American couples are distracted by their phones, and being distracted distances us from our partners. Many of us can’t seem to leave our phones behind, and if you have kids, I understand the need to be available even during date night. So the next best thing is to schedule a Do Not Disturb alert on your phone during “couple time.” You can even add your sitter’s phone number as an exception in case she or he needs to reach you.
Take a whiff of his favorite scent. The next time I feel my love for Boo flatlining, I’m taking a whiff of him. Wait, let me explain! A study shared that our sense of smell helps us connect with our partner as it aids in maintaining an emotional and sexual connection similar to what we felt in the beginning of our relationship. So not only does scent help us reminisce, but it also helps us reconnect.
Learn to be present.Once you truly unplug you can live in the now. Other ways to remain present are through meditation, yoga, breathing exercises and a daily self-check. Once a day ask yourself, how am I feeling? Take a deep breathe and feel your body answer. Your intuition will guide you. Tapping into yourself will allow you to remain in the present moment in your relationship. That way you can take in the good that comes along.
Now, stop being that girl you said you’d never be. Unplug to shut out the external world of texts, memes and social media in order to be present and open up emotionally, if only to remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Reignite your love by recreating that spark in your relationship.
Thanks to Jovan Musk for partnering with me for this blog post!