Reading my Leo horoscope was just a fun little habit. I’d make sure to check it every day, at the very end of my day. This way, I could laugh at how incredibly off it was or be amazed at how freaking accurate it was. Then things went awry: I began to read my horoscope before brushing my teeth. If I read something that rubbed me the wrong way, I’d feel paranoid, anxious, sad, and angry all at once.
When I learned that the DailyHoroscope app had an option to measure the compatibility between two signs, I took advantage of that too. Although not the smartest decision, I was in too deep. I plugged in my sign (Leo) and my boyfriend, Stephen’s, sign (Libra) and read on:
“The indecisive nature of Libra places Leo in charge in both social and work relations. In other aspects though, Libra gives more instructions and directions than Leo does. In most cases, Libra’s attitude frustrates Leo a great deal, as Leo is a powerful sign with a predisposition to dominate in relationships.”
This description was a mirrored image of our relationship. I was sold, I was convinced. And I went back every single day to read my horoscope – and Stephens.
I read his horoscope as a way to calm my anxiety when he was away at college. (I knew that the upstate college scene meant two things: parties and bitches.) At least that was my intent. Instead, it turned me into the raging Leo astrology insists that I am.
Reading his Libra horoscope drove me to question his every move and no longer believe in his word.
If he told me he was with a friend, I assumed it was a girlfriend since his horoscope once claimed he was rekindling an old flame. Another day I started off my day with my daily ritual – wake up, check his horoscope, check mine and go brush – but this time, I didn’t get passed Libra. His ‘scope said that he would run into an old friend and they would feel some serious chemistry, and keep in contact. I felt like I had just been cheated on. It was then that Stephen texted me saying he had bumped into a childhood friend at the gym. My heart dropped and I wouldn’t be surprised if it shot straight through my ass and landed on the floor. Broken, shattered. Immediately, I asked him what friend this was. Stephen said his name was Germ. When I heard that horrible name that could never belong to a female, I jumped for joy and my heart leaped back into my chest.
That was my reality check. I needed to stop for my sake and sanity. If I wanted our relationship to survive, I’d have to stop my paranoia. After all, I did this out of fear of losing one of the best things I’ve ever had. I needed answers, but horoscopes weren’t the best source of information. They would only manifest my fear and I’d lose it all.