I have a rule: I don’t date coworkers. In other words, I don’t shit where I eat.
I have followed this rule through my entire career. Well, almost. There are exceptions to every rule. My exception came in the form of a nerdy and awkward guy that I didn’t even notice at first. One day I saw him in passing and his tattoos caught my eye; they were cooler than mine. After a quick scan of the company handbook, I was assured I could pursue him. (There was no rule against dating coworkers!) And I finally went in for the kill.
I approached him, we talked, and I gave him my phone number.
He was awesome. Not only was he cute in that nerdy kind of way, but he was also funny and smart. We talked every day for about a month; I could not get enough of him.
The first time we hung out outside of work was amazing. He said and did everything exactly how I had imagined it in my mind. The first time he kissed me I felt like all the other guy had been amateurs. He was literally everything I wanted in a man. Then, after a few months, he ghosted on me. And, yes, we were still employed at the same company. Ugh.
This was such a difficult time for me, but it is possible to heal. Here are some tips on how to move on when dating a coworker and it goes terribly wrong:
Don’t gossip with other coworkers.
You got fucked over by a male coworker you dated, and you want to tell everyone about it so he gets a bad rep. It’s so easy to go there. You want people to know what a piece of shit this guy is! But is it the right move? Not at all. The best thing to do is to keep quiet about the entire situation. If someone asks you what happened, say you rather not talk about it and leave it at that. Because if they’re talking about him, they will also talk about you. The last thing you need when hurt and in pain is to be the subject of office gossip.
Keep it pleasant and keep it moving.
You are bound to run into your former fling. He’s your co-worker! Again, ugh. So you need to be prepared for that moment. When you see him, smile and say hello. Be polite and keep it moving. Do not engage him in any further and don’t bite his head off. I totally get that you want to, but it’s better this way, I promise!
Accept that it’s over.
Although you see him everyday, the only role he now plays in your life is that of “co-worker.” Accept that. Don’t go out of your way to wear that sexy new outfit to work to impress him – he lost that privilege! Don’t try to get him back. Don’t try hard at all. Just keep your distance and focus on work while at work.
I know it hurts to see someone on a daily basis that rejected you, but it’s the risk you take when you become involved with a co-worker. Your actions will dictate how quickly you are able to move on. So hold your heads high, smile and act like you could care less about the situation. One day you will wake up, go to work and won’t have to pretend that he affects you anymore. Because he just won’t.