So you were born and raised in a church, or maybe you’re Mormon, and still want to feel the sinful flesh of another. But you cannot! It’s frowned upon and you may go to Mormon jail (is there such a thing?). Well, maybe you need to try Mormon Soaking.
The religious believe premarital sex is a sin (bad horny people, bad!). They also can’t rid themselves of their libidos, no matter how many times they praise Jesus, kneeling on floors of pews while whispering a trillion Hail Mary’s to erase their primal instincts. This poses quiet a conundrum; waiting to have sex until marriage can be challenging, even for the saintliest believers. For the super religious, sex just isn’t an option. Not with a female or a male nor with B.O.B (battery operated boyfriend) or your palm. But your private parts keep tingling. The sensation down there is simply too much to bare!
And that’s when the religious get creative.
Instead of participating in one night stands, like common folk, or agreeing to a friendship with benefits, some religious groups, particularly Mormons, are said to partake in ‘soaking’ to get their rocks off. And by soaking I don’t mean taking a cold shower. To ‘soak’ you must put your penis inside a vagina and not move. You cannot pump, grind, wiggle, swerve, or hike up your leg when your penis or leg become numbs. You just lay there, inside her vagina, making…conversation? I can imagine it now.
“So how was your day?”
The penis is inserted into the vagina.
“It was great.”
The penis is still inside the vagina.
“Great weather, right?”
The man wishes he could fuck the vagina.
However, some Mormons claim soaking does not exit, not even at BYU (Brigham Young University) in Salt Lake City, Utah, which is where the phenomenon was first “discovered.” But, according to a student, they do practice NCMO’s, which stands for Non-Committal Make-Outs.
“NCMO’s (pronounced ‘nick-mohs’) are a legitimate and common BYU phenomenon. Anything beyond that risks church discipline, a fact drilled into every Mormon from birth by the old white men on top.”
And there you have it.
Lastly, a word of caution. Before Mormon Soaking, please protect yourself, as in using condoms. Why use condoms? Because though you’re just laying there STD’s can still be transmitted. And do some stretching before beginning the ritual. If not, you may suffer through the tingling of hamstrings and buttocks and toes…all for the sake of ‘soaking.’