My boyfriend is visiting family in the Dominican Republic and I miss him terribly. It’s only been four days since he’s been away and I long for him as if I were Savannah Curtis and he were my Dear John. Come back to me, Larry! Come back to free this former conservative and prudish college student with your pene! And you better not return with another woman by your side. Refrain from those curvaceous, Visa-hungry Dominicanas!
How am I coping with his absence? Not too badly. Though I miss our late night talks, his smile, and his pene in my pepa™, I am an independent woman who doesn’t need a man to be happy. I can live without him for two weeks. He also calls which helps, but even if he hadn’t I know I would be fine. That’s the thing about surviving heartbreak and years of singlehood; nothing can destroy you.
My newly acquired mechanism, on the other hand, may just break the bank. You see, though I am just fine, I have found a new form of entertainment while he’s been gone. No, I haven’t called the Global Studies Regents Prep teacher. His number is in pieces after meeting the jaws of my shredder. Like most women when feeling a little lonely and needy, I have swiped my debit card in a few boutiques, including the Mave store and Anthropologie. Shopping is a girls best friend as is eating lots and lots of brownies.
How am I coping with his absence? It depends on the day you ask. And trust me, people are asking. Mami has asked twice about his vacation and return. My sister pries daily. Even my stepfather questioned if I’ve heard from him since he’s been gone. When they ask, I shrug. There’s nothing I can say, really. He is away and will be away. Dwelling and crossing off days on a calender won’t change that, and it definitely won’t speed up his time en Quisqueta La Bella. I just know I miss him terribly though it’s only been 4 days since his departure. I just know there are 10 days to go till his return.
Have mercy on my bank account…