I remember how excited I was after my second date with a bachata-loving Colombiano – only to be left waiting for his phone call. What gives, man? Did my breath stank? Didn’t you think dancing bachata in the rain was oh-so romantic? Did my mention of said romance make you run for the hills?
These are only some of the questions that plagued me once I realized I wasn’t going to see him again. After Mr. Bachata wined and dined me twice, he gave me nada. I felt rejected, and I wondered: did I do something wrong? Maybe.
If you’ve ever pondered the same after a third date that never was, I’ve gone straight to the source — men! Some honest fellas shared some common second-date deal breakers:
During your second date you and your guy should feel…something. Si no, you can say “Sayonara” to a third date. “The second and third date are the chemistry dates,” said Franco, 37, from Queens. If there is no chemistry on the second date, there probably won’t be any za za zoo on the third. Sparks also fly after a first kiss, which often doesn’t occur until the second date. If the first kiss is lackluster, the guy usually goes buh-bye.
You don’t look as hot as the first date.
Let’s face it: looks can be everything to men, especially when they’re just getting to know you. “But, if he didn’t find me attractive, why did he ask me out on a second date at all?” you ask. Many men feel like they need a second look, especially if you met online. Maybe you went to a dimly lit bar on the first date, or it was a quick meet-and-greet at a coffee shop. He didn’t really see you. On the second date, you spend a longer time period together and he really notices your physicality’s – including what he doesn’t find attractive. “You want to see a woman again to see if you’re just being picky,” said David, 38, from Long Island, “or there really isn’t a physical attraction.”
Personality traits shine more on a second date.
On a first date, we are proper and formal. On a second date, we let loose and begin to show off our personality — or lack there of. Maybe you cursed or laughed louder the second time around; your date may not like that you have the vocabulary of a sailor, or think that your laugh is obnoxious. Perhaps he now thinks you are self-absorbed or too insecure, or you’re a terrible listener or don’t talk enough. Any and all of these personality traits can be second-date deal breakers for men.
Hating on your ex.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again: do not talk about an ex on a date. When you do you seem bitter, angry or not over it. Eventually, exes will be discussed. But way down the line. Till then, keeps your lips tight on fulano de tal!
Unfortunately, one woman didn’t heed my warnings. She continuously brought up her past relationship and how she believes all Latinos are dogs. “She kept saying that all Latinos cheat,” said Jose, 28, from Orlando. “She didn’t trust me from the start just because I am Latino….it’s like I needed to prove that I wasn’t like her ex.” Needless to say, Jose didn’t ask her out on a third date.
Or smell! That’s right, men pay attention to details, especially regarding odor. If you didn’t go light on the perfume or didn’t freshen up before your second date, he’ll think, “ay fo,” and jump headfirst into a bushel of roses. Ouch.
You send mixed messages.
You kissed him and there was chemistry, but you didn’t text him back for days. He asked you out on a second date and you accepted, but on said date you treated him like a BFF — not a future boyfriend. This platonic push-pull is a turn off, and Franco shared how he felt when a gal send him mixed messages. “I felt literally like a yo-yo, like I was being played with,” he recalled. “Like she wanted to see how far she could push me before reeling me back in.”
And that game playing, chicas, is a surefire way to turn a man off and never see him again — ever!