In relationships, we often end up with whom we least expect. We meet our future husband and, in the present moment, may not be interested; yet we’re walking down the aisle a few years later. The courting stage takes us by storm and we are perplexed. He doesn’t have all the traits we specified on our checklist. He is thin instead of muscular; blue eyed instead of brown eyed; a teacher instead of an athlete. Still, we fall for him – our mismatch that turned out to be our perfect match.
This does not mean we are settling. Often times what we think we want isn’t necessarily what is right or good for us. The bad boy from college, the coworker who has a girl friend, the man we long for because we are convinced he is it: they don’t meet our long term needs. We all need a man who understands us, respects and loves us. The superficial is all surface.
As women, our needs and desires do change over time. What we want in our early twenties usually consists of the hot and unattainable. If we are still single in our late twenties and early thirties, we have been burned enough times to realize that a cleft chin and great sex isn’t enough. Suddenly, we crave stability. The thrills of game playing out the window, we seek a partner that is committed, mature and ready, rather than one with a tall stature, muscular build and the dreamy green eyes of Jake Gyllenhaall. The physical traits we once longed for seem frivolous compared to the love of a man who supports us. So what if he’s bald and has a beer belly. So what if he has children from another marriage or hates to travel. It doesn’t even matter that he doesn’t know how to dance or that he is Caucasian instead of Latino or Black instead of Asian.
You’re older. You want to get married. And he loves you.
And that is a (mis)match made in heaven.