Men mess up often and come back with an, “I’m sorry babe, it won’t happen again.” But, women mess up too! I know I have. Recently, I played the role of Houdini, and disappeared and reappeared on a man that I cared about. Yup. I ghosted.
When I tried to work things out with him, I didn’t understand why he wasn’t giving me a third (not second) chance. I was truly sorry, why wasn’t he just accepting my apology? It takes more than words, ladies. You need to show him you’ve changed through action.
Here are some ways to do just that, if you’re the one that messed up:
In my situation, I was a flake. I was dating an ambitious business owner who lived less than ten minutes away. Each time he expressed genuine interest in me, I’d disappear. I would stop answering his texts and calls. I apologized, but what was the “I’m sorry” for? That I was scared of committing.
So, when you apologize, know what you did wrong. If you want to prove that you deserve a second chance, acknowledge the error of your ways and dig deep. Own up to your behavior. Validate his feelings. Be sincerely sorry.
Have a plan.
You need to show him that you’re in this for the long haul and you’re committed to taking the relationship seriously. This starts with creative planning on your part. Personally, I sacrificed my sleep in order to work around his schedule. I made it a point to see him whenever he could fit me in. I texted him more than usual and tried to open up emotionally. I wanted him to know that I liked him, respected him and most of all, I appreciated him as a person. I backed up my apology with a full-on plan to win his heart.
Fight for him.
Once you’ve done something to lose his trust it is extremely difficult to earn it back. It takes dedication and patience. It cannot be done in a day, a week or sometimes even in months. You have to recognize that you played with someone’s heart. You need to go out of your way to show him that you have changed.
Do not complain to your friends.
You’re putting in so much work into saving this relationship, so it can be extremely frustrating not to see immediate results. The first people you complain to are your friends, but it’s not the best idea. Their job is to protect you and they see you begging a man to take you back. Unless you told them everything, they may not realize the extent of the damage you’ve caused. If you are working this hard to fix it, chances are you see value in this man. While it’s easy to tell someone to walk away, it’s your life. You need to follow your heart without outside influences.
Go all in this time.
You’ve put in all this work and were granted a second chance. Now walk a straight line! Do not deviate back to unhealthy behaviors. Give your relationship your all and have absolutely no regrets.