It is an awful feeling to finally date the hot guy you’ve been crushing on for months to only feel like he’s embarrassed by you. Instead of feeling victorious, you sense something is totally off.
That’s how I felt when I entered into a relationship with a guy that I’ve been into for years. We had been best friends for a long time. Finally, here it was – my big chance. Only instead of feeling happy, I felt insecure, like an embarrassment.
First, he put me through social media hell. A few months before we entered the relationship zone, I unfriended him on Facebook after an argument. He had over 2000 friends on Facebook due to his profession; so when we decided to become official, I wanted to be “friends” again. I knew girls he was barely dating had tagged him in photos prior to us getting together. I assured him we didn’t have to be “Facebook Official,” and that I would never post a photo of us on my wall or his. His standard excuse was, “I’ll send the request tomorrow.” Tomorrow never came.
WTF? I thought. Why was I not good enough to even be his “friend” when I’m his girlfriend?
To find answers, I became a Facebook sleuth, and noticed that he constantly liked the photos of one particular girl. She was about 10 years younger and three sizes smaller than me. I felt so embarrassed.
He also didn’t show me any public displays of affection. We went everywhere together. After all, we were official. This was the real thing, right? Wrong. I soon realized that I had my title with absolutely no benefits. We weren’t holding hands in public. He wasn’t putting his arm around me. I like when a guy grabs for my hand. If I’m dressed like arm candy, I expect to be treated as such. Instead, there was absolutely no affection displayed, and affection typically comes with a new relationship! I got hugs and kisses at home, but never in public. I felt like it was due to my appearance. My self-esteem toil a nosedive.
It didn’t help matters that he pointed out my flaws. He mentioned several times that he had been with a dancer with a completely toned body. He constantly pointed out girls with great asses, knowing I have a small ass. Suddenly my insecurities came flooding back. Am I getting fat? Should I be dieting or join a dance class? I even tried to change my appearance for him. I bought hair in a new shade for my sew-in, started wearing light makeup, and scaled back my eyelashes. I felt like he wasn’t attracted to me. Our relationship’s theme song could have been TLC’s “Unpretty.”
The last straw for me was when I realized he never intentionally introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend. His friends knew he had a girlfriend, they just didn’t know it was me. I met a few of his friends but it was always rushed. He was helping them out with something and I just so happen to be there. He wasn’t inviting me to join him at his favorite bar to hang out with him and his eccentric group of friends. However, I introduced him to my friends and even my family because I wanted him to be a part of my life. It seemed that he didn’t want the same thing with me.
Eventually, I realized that he was embarrassed by me. He didn’t appreciate what he had so I ended the relationship. If a man isn’t proud to stand by my side and show me off to the world, I rather be alone.