I have small breasts that I love, though I wasn’t always a fan of my itty bitties. As a teenager, I wished to have breasts as big as my sisters. As a college student, I stuffed my bras with extra pads to get that extra push, so they can look as plump as my sisters.
Because my sister has fabulous breasts.
They are so fabulous that my niece, Nila, is obsessed with them. She eyeballs her boobies as if she were a Caucasian male in Los Angeles, ready to motorboat them at every chance.
And so the challenge of weening her off breast milk began.
There was an intervention during our Miami vacation. At my uncle/padrinos home, my sister was persuaded to put a way her tit cold turkey. This caused some tears (mostly from Nila), but it also made me wonder what is so fantastic about my sisters boobs, or any boobs for that matter!
Well, here’s what:
- Boobs Get Bigger With Wrinkles: That’s right, small chested ladies. As we age, our breasts get fatter. When we’re in our twenties, our mammary glands are made up of milk glands, fat, and collagen. When our numerical age increases, the collagen and milk glands are then replaced by more fat. More fat means more sag. Fortunately for The Itty Bitty Titty Committee, that wont do much damage. Sagging small breasts kind of look bigger! For those with big breasts already, well…sorry!
- Nipple Hair Does Not Discriminate: Whether your white, black, brown or translucent, you have nipple hair! Every woman has between 2-15 strands of dark hair growing on zee nipple. The darker your hair on your head, the darker the nipple hair. Now, look away from me and my dark brown locks!
- Boob Pimples: Just like our T-zones, our boobies are susceptible to pimples and blackheads. Blame it on the oil glands that lay above and between our breasts. The bigger the boobs, the more sweat builds. This can produce bacteria, which causes acne and other blemishes. To avoid this uncomfortable and embarrassing ailment, use an absorbent powder like Gold Bond Medicated Power, under and between your boobs. And no more sweaty bras!
- Breast Milk Is Yummy: If you still toss and turn in your sleep because you miss breast milk, it’s because it’s actually tasty! Breast milk is said to be sweet, which is probably why Nila is an addict. It is also very healthy, filled with iron, fatty acids, minimal sodium and Vitamin E. Yum!
- Mammograms Are Your Friends: With breast cancer on the rise, we, as women, must be smart and proactive with our boobs and lives! Starting at 40 years old, we should have mammograms every 1 to 2 years. If you are at higher than average risk of breast cancer, talk to your doctor about getting mammograms before age 40 and how often to have them. How do you know if you’re at risk? Definitely if you have a family history of breast cancer. According to The National Cancer Institute, “a woman’s chance of developing breast cancer increases if her mother, sister, and/or daughter have been diagnosed with the disease, especially if they were diagnosed before age 50.” So be aware, get your mammograms, self-check your breasts, and dig through your family tree!
All these great facts about boobies make me so proud to be a woman. It truly is a blessing to be able to feed our children and give them the nutrients they need to be healthy bundles of poop. Boobs are fantastic. Boobs are magical.
And that, Pepitas, is why Nila is boobie trapped.