“But you shouldn’t expect anything from anyone, Sujeiry.”
That’s what my friend Teresa has said time and again. And again and again. While she drones on about how love should be comfortable and accepting, I fade out. Understanding her words on the one hand while wishing for another way to love and maintain relationships in the other.
You see, Teresa is right. In order to love a friend, sister, lover, and especially ourselves, we must accept said friend, sister, lover, and especially ourselves. Makes sense. Who doesn’t want to be accepted as is? But what trips me out is this: how can our needs be met in relationships if we can’t expect anything more than what our loved ones can give? Does this mean we should not have expectations? Should we stop asking for our needs to be met in love and friendship if said person just can’t meet them? And if the person in question can’t do so, what becomes of that relationship?
This has been my conundrum most of my life. Blame my Daddy/abandonment issues, but I expect so much from those who come into my life, those who I let in. I give my all and, though I am not perfect, I am a very loyal person. But something often happens in my relationships. Those whom I deem the closest to me and my heart, those whom I’ve placed on the highest of pedestals, well, they tire of me.
They may see it differently. They will certainly word it differently. I am also aware that this is my perception because of my ongoing fear of abandonment; what we fear we manifest. Still, numerous people in my life have expressed that they feel that I overwhelm them. I can see that. I can be intense. But only because I have let them into my heart and choose to pour my heart out to those that I trust and cherish whenever I feel depressed, alone, afraid, or angry.
That doesn’t seem to be enough in that moment. They have given what they can give, consider me selfish, thoughtless, or self-absorbed, and can no longer meet my needs. They walk away. It shocks and hurts me at my core because I only gave what I could give.
“But they only gave what they could give, Sujeiry.”
Teresa has said this time and again. And again and again. She’s right. People are who they are, or as Maya Angelou famously stated, “when people show you who they are believe them; the first time.” I do believe them. I believe in them. They become the friend, sister and lover that I’ve always envisioned and desired. And I cherish the relationship. Perhaps too much. I hold on tightly and cannot imagine a world without this person in my life. Sometimes I fear that may be the case. It often is. I’ve had dozens of people that I love walk out of my life or detach themselves from me. And I ask myself: am I manifesting this patten via my fear? Am I just choosing to let the wrong people in because I feel like I don’t deserve those who stick around? Are my expectations too high or am I just expecting things from the wrong people?
It’s time to reflect, Sujeiry.