Once upon a time women were little girls with tiny pepas™. Their mami’s would pull down their pants or push up their dresses and remove their diapers to clean them up. Their mamis would then pull a wipe from the top of a sky blue, wrapped package. A wet cloth with a sweet aroma was placed over the little girls pepas™ and they instantly felt refreshed and clean. Seconds later, they were all done! And the little girls with tiny pepas™ were as happy as can be.
Fast forward 25 years. The little girls with tiny pepas™ are now grown women with larger pepas™ (some larger than others, of course). They no longer need baby wipes. Instead, they use toilet paper like their grown male counterparts. But some men want women to continue wiping their butts with baby wipes as if they were still in diapers. Some men, like actor Terrance Howard, believe that if a woman cleans her ass with toilet paper she is “unclean”, and so he WILL end the relationship.
Take it away Terrance!
“Toilet paper – and no baby wipes – in the bathroom. If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean. So if I go in a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.” – Terrance Howard on how he’ll dump a girl if she doesn’t stock up on baby wipes. ( Source: Jezebel)
Terrance isn’t the only one with this…obsession. Recently, Will.I.Am professed his love for baby-wiped pepas™ to ELLE. Below is the prolific and mind-altering conversation, which includes his disdain for wet sinks and women who purchase and keep unused condoms…in their own home!
ELLE: If you walked into a woman’s house, what one item would convince you that you weren’t compatible?
Will.I.Am: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin’ throw me off. That’s just tacky.
ELLE: Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she’s got a few in a drawer, wouldn’t that simply suggest she’s health-conscious?
Will.I.Am: I just think, like, if you’re into someone and you guys get to that level, then that’s something you should converse about together and say, “Hey, maybe we should get some.” Another pet peeve is wet sinks.
ELLE: Wet sinks?
Will.I.Am: Yeah, like a wet sink. You don’t wipe the sink after you use it? Dry it off! And if she’s got only dry toilet paper and no baby wipes next to the toilet. You ain’t got no baby wipes?
ELLE: I’ve heard about this particular deal breaker before. Why is that a big deal to you?
Will.I.Am: Here’s proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You’re going to get chocolate in the cracks. That’s why you gotta get them baby wipes.
Chocolate, wooden floors, cracks, pepas™, baby wipes….what in the world is he talking about?! I’m not quiet sure, but clench your pepas™ because the baby wipe phenomena continues to spread!
When performing a Google search, I learned that there are many forums where women ask if it is safe to use baby wipes on their grown pepas™. Some say their boyfriends recommended it (thank Terrance and Will.I.Am) and others fear that the glycerin in baby wipes may lead to an infection. I say use what Papa Dios gave us: soap, water, and, once and a while, splash on some Lemisol! Maybe the aroma of baby cologne on a pepa™ makes Terrance and Will.I.Am feel more like men. Maybe their diapers weren’t changed for days and they were traumatized as children. Or maybe they just wish they had a pretty pepa™ to clean. If you do take the advice of Twiddle Macho and Twiddle Misogynist, please do your research beforehand. You only have one pepa™ so treat her gently!