There comes a time when every woman asks herself, can people change in relationships? I had this thought recently. I sat right here on the sofa I’m sitting on, glanced over at my partner and wondered to myself, “Can he change?”
He is stubborn. He struggles with communication. He can be intolerant and lack empathy.
Maybe your partner is the same, or maybe your boo talks too much y es un hablador as Dominicans say (translation: exaggerates everything, talks shit or is a straight-up liar). Maybe he isn’t as affectionate as you desire (and never has been). Maybe he isn’t as tough as you want him to be.
No matter what it is there is always something that we wish to change about the person(s) we love.
You fall for him or her, hoping these little nuances and imperfections can somehow fix themselves or simply go away. If I work hard enough at my relationship, you think, if I just give it more time or therapy or attention, this thing or these things that bugs me about him will buzz off.
Relate? I thought so. Many people can. Many people wonder, can people change in relationships? They can…in a way. In fact, the man or woman you love can grow before your very eyes. Yes, I said grow. Because growing is different than changing. Let’s hit the dictionary for the exact definition. To grown is to “undergo natural development by increasing in size and changing physically; progress to maturity.” To change is to “make or become a different substance entirely; transform.”
Y’all know anyone who will just become an entirely difference substance? You can work as hard as you can on yourself but at your core you’re still going to be who you are. You can work on your issues, your past scars and heal from all of it – and still be you. A better version of you but still…you.
So where does that leave your relationship? Where does that leave you and this question: can he change? Can people in relationships change? You either choose to stay with the person that you’re with as they are now while they (hopefully) develop, or you realize this person that you want to change so desperately is going to be just who they are – no matter how much you pray and plead for a differing form. And that’s the real answer. Only you can decide.