“Ouch! That hurts!” I yell. Stubbing your toe always does. I bend over to rub my tiny stump. In my line of sight, right under my dresser, I spot my ivory statement necklace that I’ve searched for for weeks. If I hadn’t been extra clumsy that day, I wouldn’t have mashed my little piggy, and I wouldn’t have discovered my favorite piece of jewelry. My toe still throbbed, but that’s the silver lining: there are blessings within painful mistakes. They’re to be thanked.
The same goes for relationship drama and hurt. Often times even when we know a relationship should be over, we are too afraid to let go. Instead of being thankful of the end, we hold on, we resist change.
When I knew Paco and I needed to breakup I held on to the hope that he would become the man that would meet my needs. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Who he is and who I am just don’t click. Still, I held onto the pain. I replayed our breakup in my head as if it were a scene from a horror movie that I couldn’t turn away from. And I hate horror movies.
“The lack of connection between us was almost unbearable,” Paco spat out.
He was so nonchalant. Cold. Detached. As if we hadn’t been in a year-long relationship. His words cut me like a machete that had been sharpened for days.
“So being around me is unbearable,” I replied, my words as sharp as his.
“That’s not what I meant,” he backtracked.
But it was. And he was right. I couldn’t admit it then. Paco and I didn’t work. There was no emotional connection, no depth. Once I was over the situation (not him – there was nothing to get over) and I realized the error of my ways (and not just his), I felt fortunate to have been with Paco. Without that experience I wouldn’t have discovered what I cannot do without in a relationship. I would have thought that desiring affection was frivolous and would have accepted a detached love. I thank Paco for showing me what I don’t want in a man, in a relationship. I thank myself for giving it my all and for throwing in the towel right on time, because 6 months after our breakup I was cast to be part of The Love Experiment AKA “Married at First Sight.”
The show brought me back to New York City with the promise of being a star on national television and helping me find love. Once they divulged that we would have to marry a stranger, I turned it down. I was devastated. I didn’t know what was next for me professional or personally. I had banked on that opportunity. I felt lost and fell into a deep depression for two months. Yet I am grateful for that dark time and for being cast on the show. Without it I wouldn’t have discovered who in my life truly has my back in the toughest times. Due to the show I realized that I needed to focus on LoveSujeiry.com and use my television opportunities for promotional tools, not as the be all end all to my success.
And I did find love. All this time, when I was chasing bad boys and stumbling through love, the love of my life was in Long Island. If I wouldn’t have said yes to “Married at First Sight,” I would have remained in Los Angeles as I only relocated to NYC for the show.
So take this time to thank all those moments that you loathe. Whether you’re going through a gut-wrenching breakup or feel alone in life and desperately lost, there is a lesson in all of it. Find the silver living. There may just be a piece of treasure waiting for you at the end of all that pain.