This man has much more to him than meets the eye — he’s your dream catch but also your greatest nightmare. He’s complicated — a disastrous mixture of good and bad. He can be suave like Bond, but also completely clueless about how his words and actions affect you.
He’s a player-romantic and he’s so often misunderstood.
These guys come in two types: the asshole guy and the good guy who comes across as an asshole.
The Asshole Guy
The asshole guy is an expert manipulator. He wines and dines you just to get in your pants. When you’re with him, he’s boyfriend material; when you’re not around, he’s looking for the next addition to add to his roster. He lures you in like an eagle circling its prey just so he can rip your heart apart with his talons. He’s the guy that chases you just to say he got you and sleeps with you just to say he had you. He lets you fall, knowing full well that he’s not going to be there to catch you.
The Good Guy Who Comes Across as an Asshole
This guy comes in three subtypes:
The guy who wants a relationship, but isn’t capable of it, at least not right now. Yet he doesn’t let you in on this information, and tries anyway. This guy is the most common player-romantic combination, as well as the hardest to detect. His secret apprehension toward commitment could be that:
- He’s in a career-focused part of his life.
- He’s newly single and still hung up on his ex.
- He’s emotionally or financially unstable and doesn’t have anything to offer a woman at this juncture in his life.
- He’s more interested in the idea of a relationship than actually being in a relationship.
This guy may be noble in thought but he’s weak in follow-through and consistent action. He’s scouting the talent but not signing any deals. He’s torn between romance with one or novelty with many.
The passive and non-confrontational guy. He sees your feelings are beginning to develop, and knows his level of interest doesn’t match yours, but continues to play the part. Eventually, his cover is blown and he reveals himself a fake. Now, at this point, despite his intentions being to not hurt you, you feel deceived and just want to trash the douchebag because he couldn’t be upfront with his feelings from the start.
The guy who’s painfully naïve. He’s not used to getting many women, but for the first time in his life he has his pick of the litter. Without much prior experience dealing with women and their emotions, it’s no wonder things go off the rails and people get hurt. He’s so infatuated and seduced by his newfound options that his morality and integrity come crumbling down.
So why is the player-romantic so hard to pinpoint? It’s because he comes dressed in camouflage. You let him into your camp. He vows to protect you and care for you, but as soon as he’s earned your trust, he puts a bullet in your back. While on the other hand, your standard player, blunt and chauvinistic, comes dressed in enemy uniform and can be spotted from a mile away. He can’t hurt you because you see right through him and he reeks of bullshit.
There are also parts of this guy that are impossible not to love and hold onto. He reveals those good parts in bursts which instills hope in you that he “could be the one you need.” This is also magnified by the fact that you might have a notorious habit of rationalizing the situation in a way that best suits your interests and protects you from the truth that, at the end of the day, he might just not “be that into you.”
You can’t continue to play along with the player’s games and lower your expectations to avoid being rejected or losing something that isn’t meant to be. No guy wants to be in a relationship with a woman who will forfeit self-respect in order to hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be held onto in the first place. So yes, the player-romantic is a hard type to detect. But one thing you can count on is, the player-romantic will simply become a romantic in the company of the right woman.