In the mid-90s, I met the coolest, smartest, funniest man who just so happened to be a touch feminine. Jake’s voice was soft and had a bit of a pitch to it. He giggled. He had long hair and was totally into women’s rights. Jake was different than any other man I had ever met. I loved that about him.
Then Jake told me he wanted to know what it would be like to be with a guy.
Oddly, I wasn’t upset. I think I always knew he was bisexual. I also didn’t stop seeing him. For 18 years, we were on and off, and during that long span of time Jake dated men and women. I was often fascinated by his dating stories. Was it just a sexual thing or did he connect with men on an emotional level? Was he the man or the woman in his relationships? This side of him intrigued me.
So, how do you date a bisexual man? Here are ways to cope and embrace your sexually fluid man.
You cannot “pray the gay away.” Honestly, nothing you say or do will change this man. I accepted Jake for who he was because I loved his beautiful soul. Plus, love is about acceptance. Instead of trying to change him, become his biggest advocate and support system. This will strengthen your bond.
Not So Macho Man
He may not be the most macho man on the planet, but that may actually be to your benefit. You may find new qualities to value in a partner outside the traditional archetype. My guy was incredibly sensitive; he cried openly when he was happy or sad. He wrote poetry, played the guitar and sang to me. Jake even remained a virgin until he fell in love.
Feel Secure In Your Role
When dating a bisexual man it may be difficult to feel secure. You may feel like you are competing with 100 percent of the population. Remember: just as you have chosen to commit to him he’s chosen the same. Also, being bisexual does not make a man a sexual deviant who fantasizes about sex with men 24/7.
Having an open dialogue is essential to building that trust, and you may be refreshed by his willingness and desire to communicate. Openly bisexual men have been bucking gender stereotypes their entire lives. Many have found a place of peace within themselves and want to share that experience with their significant other.
Be Open Sexually
I am not talking about threesomes or giving your man a free pass to be with other men. Just be open minded as he has sexual wants and needs that are outside of the box. Keep in mind that some moments in the bedroom may start awkwardly. If you are willing to converse about his sexual desires, you may be able to fulfill his needs. Toys for two, anyone?
Personally, I didn’t know what to expect when I continued to date Jake. Sometimes I felt intimidated, inadequate and insecure; however, he was the best boyfriend I ever had. He still is. Being bisexual was just one of the many ways he was different. But I loved him, I loved all of him.