How and When to Sincerely Apologize and Mean It in Relationships
When it comes to saying “I am sorry,” both men and women are quick to blurt out the words. From scholarly articles to Pantene ads, there is evidence that we apololgize all the time, but are we truly receiving the meaning behind those three little words? Are we as quick to apologize for the sake of squashing an argument with our significant other?
Personally, I hate being angry. I think it’s a total waste of energy. Plus, I know that time is of the essence, and I refuse to spend my time angry at the person I lay my head next to every night. I don’t over-apologize, but I do think that my “life is too short” outlook has an influence on how open I am to the idea of saying “I’m sorry.” I don’t let an entire day go by and give him the silent treatment. When I know I’ve said way too much and can sense that his silence will be more than momentary, I will quickly apologize for whatever I said or did that was out of line, even if it means admitting guilt. I just want to kiss and make up! Always.
Not all women are the same. Some can withstand that awful, dreaded silent treatment a lot longer than I can – even when they know they’re wrong. Take Shinyl Howard, 24, from Atlanta. She, too, hates arguing with her boo and would do anything to make things right; however, she does admit that her arguments linger a tad longer than necessary.
“I usually don’t realize I’m wrong ‘til I want to ‘cause I’m stubborn, but as soon as I realize I’m wrong, I apologize.”
It’s understandable. Some of us just need time and space to realize our mistakes and think of the right way to deliver a meaningful “I’m sorry.” But is stubbornness always to blame?
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According to Priscilla Luna, 27, from Los Angeles, the ability to accept responsibility for our mistakes is part of personal growth. She went on to explain that she gives her man the space he needs to cool down before apologizing for her contributions to the argument. This way she’s had time to think about what she’s truly apologizing for and has given him time to be more accepting of her apology. Priscilla is a mother of two and also realizes that her actions and words don’t just affect her man but also her childnen. They can sense when there’s tension between Mommy and Daddy. She doesn’t apologize solely for the sake of her children; however, they do aid her in seeing things more clearly.
But what if you just know you were right for feeling the way you did or saying the things you did? What if you just got a little carried away in the way you communicated it all to your partner? According to Suegra, 44, from Los Angeles, there’s a way of apologizing for your half of the argument, while getting your man to acknowledge whatever it was that upset you to begin with.
The trick is to give him time, even if it means having to wait a couple of days before re-addressing the issue.
This makes me cringe, as we all know I just want to kiss and make up! But if time makes for a more meaningful apology and compromise, I’m all for it.