Commitment

Is Marriage Really Hard? Married Folks Speak Out

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Whenever I ask married women about their relationship they sigh and exclaim, “Marriage is so hard!” It doesn’t matter who they married, how compatible they are or how attractive their spouse is; if I take their word for it, marital bliss doesn’t really exit.

As a love guru and expert (and someone who is newly engaged), I, of course, want to know more:

Why is marriage soooooo hard? Does your guy refuse to pick up his dirty boxers? Are you watching WWF all day and night (when will you ever watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?!) Has your sex life suffered after he put a ring on it and you said, “I do”?  For the love of God, TELL ME WHAT TO EXPECT!!!

PLUS: The Traits for a Successful Marriage

Ok, Sujeiry, breathe. It can’t be that bad. Or, is it (gulp) worse?!

Can you not stand the sight of each other? Have you stopped having sex all together? Are just waiting for your spouse to kick the bucket so you can have your life back? For the love of God, SOMEONE PLEASE CLARIFY!!!

Yes, I’m a love guru. No, I don’t know everything. I am a big believer in searching for answers, being solution-oriented and developing as a person and mujer. And that’s why I sought outside of my expertise and asked a few married men and women the question, “Why do people say marriage is SO HARD?”

Luckily, folks got specific, sharing why marriage is deemed as hard work and sometimes even challenging. This, my loves, was a learning moment for me. Hopefully, it is for you!

“Because somewhere in the marriage one or the other or both forget to constantly communicate with each other. Communication is key.” – Lillybeth, New York, NY

“Because you are compromising most of the time. It is a give and take and both parties have to be committed to that. And because even when you don’t agree, there has to be mutual respect. ” – Mari, Ponce, Puerto Rico

“It’s not until children come along. You have to take your communication to another level as well as passion, romance, and sex. You have to evolve and sometimes that happens at different times for individuals or it means you no longer want the same things. It becomes hard when you don’t act as one or give up on one another and one starts slacking, lagging behind or gives up – and you’re no longer a union. Sometimes you don’t mind pulling each other forward or out of the funk (like a dance) but in the end each of us has to take responsibility for what we bring to the table. That’s the work. Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s interesting and fun.” – Marielin, New York, NY

“I think it´s not easy or hard in itself. It depends on who you are married to. I would know that. But it’s not a fairytale.” – Lorraine, Sarasota, FL

“Marriage is not hard. Relationships are not hard. Trying to fix and change another person is hard! We marry our man thinking he’s the perfect guy for us and then we spend the next several years (sometimes decades) trying to fix, change, and making him “better.” We need to stop trying to “flip our man” as if he was some sort of DIY improvement project. Instead, focus on BEing the love you want to see in your relationship. You want love, peace, respect, romance, and fun in your relationship? BE loving, peaceful, respectful, romantic and fun! You can’t attract what you aren’t putting forth and it’s unfair to expect your husband to do what you’re not willing to do yourself. In the end , love and respect encompasses everything that makes a marriage work. If you can come from a place of unconditional love and respect and hold that as the top priority in your relationship, then there’s no struggle or pain.” – Glady, Miami, FL

“Marriage isn’t hard at all. But it does take some ‘work’ to make it function. Compromise, listening, talking, working together toward common goals and still having aspects of your life as individuals. Lots of love, nalgas slapping, affection, wine…” – Rich, Fort Lauderdale, FL

MORE: To Be Free And Married: Can Women Have It Both Ways?

I’ll take it all – the work, the growth, the compromise, the communication, and yes, even the “nalga slapping.” And please, don’t forget to pour the wine.

What do you think? Is marriage hard or have we convinced ourselves of this? Comment below! 

Love Sujeiry is an aspirational lifestyle brand for Latinas and women of color that champions authenticity and manifestation. The owner and founder, Sujeiry Gonzalez, is the host of “Love Sujeiry: Dish Served Raw" on reVolver Podcasts. Previously, she hosted a show on SiriusXM in NYC and Exitos 93.9FM in Los Angeles. The content creator has also been featured on Latina.com, YourTango, Cosmo, Momstatic, Mommynoire, NBC Latino as she inspires women to dish on love, sex, and relationships, and to be their best selves. Sujeiry tells it like it is and shares her triumphs, devastating blows, tales of new mami life, and her creative career moves on her web series, "Love Bytes with Sujeiry," where she is authentically herself and holds nothing back. Ultimately, Love Sujeiry serves to entertain and inspire women to live authentically, find fulfillment through manifestation, love themselves, follow their passions and never ever settle.