Relationships

7 Things to Know About an Open Relationship

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As a self-professed possesive woman, I could never share Boo – or any man I’ve dated for that matter – with another. I just can’t handle my love passing his peen like it’s a selection at a buffet. Open relationships just are not for me, y’all! If Boo comes up to me and says, “I think I’m going to bang Linda tonight,” I may bang his head with a caldero.

Still, I’m curious about open relationships as many couples are choosing to live and love this way. So, is an open relationship a free for all of sex, sex, and more sex? Or is there more to this unique relationship? I chatted with a Dominicana who lives this lifestyle, and this is what she wants you to know about open relationships.

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There are boundaries.

Couples in an open relationship set boundaries and rules. Yes, rules!. The couple decides what’s considered cheating and what’s allowed. Usually, you can’t sleep with friends, have sleep overs, or sleep with any “regulars.” Because sleeping with someone who is “a regular” can lead to developing an emotional connection. And that’s a no-no.

It’s not a full-on affair.

“But that’s what they’re doing?!” you scream. Not exactly. When in an open relationship, the primary relationship is the main relationship. That’s the relationship that’s nurtured. Those who live “the lifestyle” shouldn’t speak to their lover at all hours of the night while their partner lies next to them, hoping for some sugar. The secondary relationship is mostly sexual.

Honesty with some discretion.

Some folks in open relationships don’t want to know every detail. You can tell him you went out for drinks with Juan, but you may want to leave out that he did you doggy style. People are human and, yes, jealousy can come into play even when in an open relationship. That’s why many couples in open relationships use discretion.

An open relationship is the same as a monogamous relationship.

Say what? In theory, it really is! Just like a monogamous couple, a non-monogamous couple builds a life together that encompases trust, respect and love. They may even have children. The only difference is the number of men or women (or both!) they’re sexing.

It’s helpful to know other couples in open relationships.

There’s a community for couples in open relationships. Through this group, you may not only meet potential sexual partners, but you receive support without judgment. If you’re new to this world, a more experienced couple may take you and your man under their wing. Plus, these communities have parties. Bow chica wow wow!

No BFFs.

The second (third or fourth) sex buddy can be someone that you are friendly with, but it shouldn’t be your BFF. Si no, it can get complicated. Again, the priority is the primary relationship. If a foundation has already been established with a lover, it’s that much easier to fall in love with them.

MORE: Threesomes: Just for Singles or Are Couples Into It?

Keeping it hush.

When I spoke to la Dominicana, she admitted that her family is unaware of her open relationship. That’s because it’s still very taboo, especially among Latinos. If you’re interested in being in an open relationship, she recommends experimenting first before deciding to join the lifestyle. Because it is a lifestyle. If you feel that being in an open relationship will make you happiest, choose a partner that wants to join you. In time, you will feel comfortable enough to tell those you love. Hopefully, they’ll love you enough and remain open.

Love Sujeiry is an aspirational lifestyle brand for Latinas and women of color that champions authenticity and manifestation. The owner and founder, Sujeiry Gonzalez, is the host of “Love Sujeiry: Dish Served Raw" on reVolver Podcasts. Previously, she hosted a show on SiriusXM in NYC and Exitos 93.9FM in Los Angeles. The content creator has also been featured on Latina.com, YourTango, Cosmo, Momstatic, Mommynoire, NBC Latino as she inspires women to dish on love, sex, and relationships, and to be their best selves. Sujeiry tells it like it is and shares her triumphs, devastating blows, tales of new mami life, and her creative career moves on her web series, "Love Bytes with Sujeiry," where she is authentically herself and holds nothing back. Ultimately, Love Sujeiry serves to entertain and inspire women to live authentically, find fulfillment through manifestation, love themselves, follow their passions and never ever settle.