Pregnancy

My Vagina Didn’t Want to Deliver My Baby

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June 20, 2016. I check into Winthrop Hospital after my OB breaks the news: “You have to be induced.”

I am zero centimeters dilated and my cervix is as hard as a rock. As my sister, Adayna, says, “All those years of keeping it tight literally kept it tight.” Damn you, vagina!

Off I go to the hospital with Boo, a packed bag and a full belly (literally): my doc encouraged me to eat as the process of being induced can take up to 24 hours, and that’s before actual labor. And I am terrified. Labor is tough enough; now I have to force baby boy out. And, if he emulates me when I was born, he wouldn’t leave his cozy home easily.

Folks, Evan is just like his momma.

I am in labor for 18 hours. 18 freaking hours! And I am screaming for Diosito himself to GET. THIS. BABY. OUT! Non stop pain. Indescribable pain. And I feel it all because, well, when zero centimeters dilated you are first induced with a drug called Cervidil. FYI: you don’t get an Epidural with Cervidil. With Cunty Cervivil (as I now call it) you are given a pain killer that knocks you out for 3 hours. So I sleep like a baby to wake up screaming bloody murder.

Finally, 2 centimeters dilated. I am wheeled out to the delivery room and cry out in pain. My contractions are a minute apart. I feel like I am being ripped apart. A stocky nurse with a short blonde bob looks at me straight in the eyes. “You have to breath, honey.”

“I can’t! I can’t!” I squeal.

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“Yes, you can. Look at me and breathe.” She begins to inhale and exhale and I follow suit. Boo holds my hand.

In the room now. It’s time for the next phase: the drug Pitosin and an epidural for the pain. Less pain now. I can do this, I think. “You can do this,” Boo encourages. Only I can’t. At 16 hours I am only 6 centimeters dilated and baby boy can’t come through my vaginal canal.

“His head is being squeezed,” my OB warns, “we’re going to have to do a c-section.”

Again, I am terrified. I have never had surgery. I have never been hospitalized. Now, I have to experience both things at once.

In a gurney. In a cold surgery room. I am given anesthesia. My arms are strapped down. I am shaking. My fingers, chest and arms shiver. My teeth chatter. “Is this normal?” I ask. Yes, it is. Something about a reaction to the drugs and the coldness of the room.

A curtain is dropped and all I see is gray and all I hear are doctors speaking and Boo comforting me. “It’s going to be ok.”

And it is. On June 21, 2016, I hear a baby cry. My baby. I hear my baby boy sucking on his fingers. I hear the nurse call out, “He’s beautiful!”

And just like that…Evan David Escudero is laying on my chest. Just like that…I am a mother. I am responsible for another human being.

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I cry tears of joy and love, so much love. It is terrifying and exciting and emotional and life-altering. It is trying and challenging, and the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and the greatest gift I have ever received. Thank you, God. Thank you, Universe. Thank you, Boo’s penis. Thank you, vagina.

Thank you, Evan, for choosing me.

Love Sujeiry is an aspirational lifestyle brand for Latinas and women of color that champions authenticity and manifestation. The owner and founder, Sujeiry Gonzalez, is the host of “Love Sujeiry: Dish Served Raw" on reVolver Podcasts. Previously, she hosted a show on SiriusXM in NYC and Exitos 93.9FM in Los Angeles. The content creator has also been featured on Latina.com, YourTango, Cosmo, Momstatic, Mommynoire, NBC Latino as she inspires women to dish on love, sex, and relationships, and to be their best selves. Sujeiry tells it like it is and shares her triumphs, devastating blows, tales of new mami life, and her creative career moves on her web series, "Love Bytes with Sujeiry," where she is authentically herself and holds nothing back. Ultimately, Love Sujeiry serves to entertain and inspire women to live authentically, find fulfillment through manifestation, love themselves, follow their passions and never ever settle.