(Looking at a flaccid penis) “When all else fails, get a dildo” – Sujeiry, 1st Lady of Love
He knows who he is! (Name rhymes with “jerk”.)
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Poor Flaccid Penis
Bamboozled: My Real Title Is “Caseworker”
I’ve been bamboozled. My organization blindfolded me and spun me around like a piñata before selling me a dream of my current position of “mentor.” That is indeed my job title but you tell me. Does a “mentor” walk into filthy practically neglected homes?
Does a “mentor” instruct a child to get off the computer/do the activity/
come to the center repeatedly at a daily rate? What say you, Pepitas? Am I a mentor or a caseworker?
My day consists of doing school check ins, data entry, home visits, drop offs, and coercing students to come in to the center that I work for. If you look closely at the day to day of a caseworker, it is identical to my work day. If you look even closer, you will see our dwindling bank accounts also match.
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Talking to His Daughter: Dora The Explorer and Happy Meals
I never got to meet his daughter. My potential nemesis or future step-daughter (it all depends on how the girl plays it) was ill with the sniffles. I saw it as a manipulative ploy but said nothing to my boyfriend. One should never underestimate a toddlers sabotaging abilities.
Still, I have decided to give the child a chance. Actually I had no choice. Her “Chachi!”, as she calls her father when ñona, caught me off guard and put her on the phone. At least that’s his story. I conclude that her grubby, short fingers snatched the receiver from his hands and clubbed him over the head with the telephone before saying, “Hola!”.
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Facebook Woes: To Friend or Defriend A Friend
On Sunday night, I scrolled through my Facebook news feed and noticed someones status. It wasn’t a personal dig against my creative genius or an accusation that I owed her a $20. Nothing deep was said. Nothing funny or clever or inspirational. It was simply an observation about the idiocy of the Oscars.
My news feed was filled with negative Oscar commentary, so why stop at this particular status? Because of the person behind the words. I realized I hadn’t communicated with the Facebook user in over 6 months. We hadn’t text or emailed. We hadn’t spent hours on chat though the bubbles beside our names are almost always green. We didn’t wish each other Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, or Happy Valentines Day. So why is this now stranger still my “friend” on Facebook?
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Smells Like Chicken
“The 2/3 110th Street train station stop always smells like Kennedy’s Fried Chicken. I wonder if the 1 train stop on 181st smells like platanos.” – Sujeiry, 1st Lady of Love
Feeling Unloved: Coping with Abandonment Issues
One of the worst feelings that I have ever experienced is that of feeling unloved. It is a feeling that is difficult to describe and even more difficult to vanquish. No matter how much love the unloved may have it doesn’t connect in that moment. In that moment, it is all wallowing, questioning, and sobbing.
As a child I felt unloved because my father abandoned me and my family. He was and still is an inconsistent father. Now, I can cope with the reality of half of my DNA, but there are still moments when I feel like that child. Lonely moments where I feel disregarded and in dire need of reassurance, particularly from my romantic partner.
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Gold Digging Love: Kelsey Grammer Weds Again!
I love karaoke. I love to stand on stage at a bar and sing my heart out to a group of drunkards. My personal favorites to oooh and aah to include “Killing Me Softly” by The Fugees, “Chasing Pavements” by Adele, and “Umbrella” by Rihanna. So how in love am I now with Kelsey Grammer that he purchased a karaoke machine for his wedding to his future ex-wife?’
Very much in love.
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Late To Work Without A Care
At 8am, I turned to my right side and shut off my alarm con ojos cerrados. I don’t remember doing this but once I woke up 2 and a half hours later I assumed this was the probable scenario. It’s obvious what is happening. My body is subconsciously telling me that it does not want to deal with kids and a kumbaya manager. My body only has energy to create.
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