The Tale of Sujeiry's Pepa and The Wax Job From Hell

All posts by Sujeiry Gonzalez

Posted:
May 18, 2012
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The Tale of Sujeiry’s Pepa and The Wax Job From Hell

There I was – exposed and super hairy. I stared at the bright white ceiling above and braced myself for the Lady in Blue. She walked in quickly and abruptly. “Cover me!” I yelled. Sujeiry ignored me and instead made small talk. Said something about painless wax and how she and I have a low threshold for pain. Lady in Blue nodded.

“It won’t hurt,” she spat out.

“It always hurts,” Sujeiry responded. I clenched in terror.

Without warning, Lady in Blue, who could very well be the Grim Reaper for Pepas, slathered me with seagreen hot wax.

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Posted:
May 17, 2012
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Sujeiry’s Love Tip: Men Don’t End Things (Joan’s Quote on Mad Men)

Sujeiry’s Love Tip: “Men don’t take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate.” – Joan Holloway on Mad Men

Photo May 13 8 01 55 PM 300x265 Sujeirys Love Tip: Men Dont End Things (Joans Quote on Mad Men)

Posted:
May 17, 2012
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3 Ways to Get Him To Stop Texting and Start Calling

I’ve had a few relationships that only consisted of text messages. I meet a man online or at a bar and he never ever calls. Bzzz! My phone vibrates. It’s him, saying “Hello.” Bzzz. My phone vibrates. It’s him texting me good morning. Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! It’s him continuing a conversation over text for hours and days. PICK UP THE PHONE! I want to reply. But I don’t. This is the “culture” we are living in – all technology, all the time. We are always connected yet we are so disconnected. Soon, we’ll only have sex over text.

Oh, wait. That’s called sexting. Already there!

So, can we change this new trend? How do we persuade a man to call us on the phone so we don’t end up having to do this over text:
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Posted:
May 16, 2012
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Love Trips: A Date with a Straight Man or A Man on the Down Low?

I sometimes wish I were a gay man. I wish I could go on a date, tap into my innate Gaydar and know if the man sitting across from me is flailing his hands because he loves penis or is swatting a gnat.  But I don’t. I am but a heterosexual woman who doesn’t see the signs that he is an undercover gay. I think of ex-boyfriend’s and men I’ve fooled around with and wondered: was he straight or a man on the down low?

Take Double Deuce, for example. He wasn’t really into sex. Come to think of it the only woman he was into was Maryjane. Still, he text me multiple times a day and was very affectionate. Like a faithful puppy, he’d hug me tight.

Then again he didn’t lick me anywhere.
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Posted:
May 16, 2012
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Keeping Secrets from Our Mothers (MAMIVERSE)

At 18 years old, I fell in love with a bad boy. I fell head over heals for a man who was not my boyfriend and who rubbed it in my face every chance he could. Oh, how my heart broke when he kissed other women in front of me. When he asked for my friend’s sister’s number at a party, it felt as if he had stomped on my already bleeding heart. I thought: Who would I turn to for comfort? My friends had grown tired of my whining and sobbing. My pillowcases could no longer bear my salty tears.

“Talk to your mother,” my friend Lucy suggested. She told her mother everything.
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Posted:
May 15, 2012
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Pepawisdom of the Day: Take Care of That Drought

When experiencing a drought, never doubt that B.O.B (Battery Operated Boyfriend) will be there. Now, go take care of that itch!

 

Posted:
May 15, 2012
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Girls (and Women) In Progress (MAMIVERSE)

No little girl wants to become her mother. No matter how great her mother is or how loving, there’s a rebellion that goes along with womanhood. This is especially true when we experience disappointments due to our parents mistakes. As children, their cycle becomes our cycle. We cannot escape the affects of neglect or abuse or infidelity. Not as little girls and sometimes not as adult women.
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Posted:
May 14, 2012
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(34) at (34) Challenge: Listening to My Body

I am often described as energetic. Some (particularly men) call me hyper or overwhelmingly intense, but I rather look at it positively. Energetic sounds about right. As does powerful and dynamic. As they say, if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Or in my case, my pepa.

Still, I need downtime. Like a woman born under the sign of Cancer, though I am a proud Arian, my mood can fluctuate from week to week. Today I woke up late and unmotivated. I thought of all the things I want to do at 34 and still, nothing. I sat in front of my computer and didn’t want to write. Me. A writer.

That’s no bueno.

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