I have been with my boyfriend for three years. We have a great relationship and we love each other dearly but we’ve hit a dead end. I want to have children and he does not. He told me this when we began dating but I hoped he’d change his mind.
I love him so much but I don’t want to sacrifice my desire for motherhood. I have given him an ultimatum of sorts – either we break up or he considers fatherhood. He is taking some time to think about it. He doesn’t want to lose me, nor I him.
Am I being selfish? Should I just enjoy being with this amazing man who gives me the world, or let go and hope that I find a man that is just as good and also wants to have a child? Any relationship advice will be of great help!
A Child or Him
Dear A Child or Him,
This is a really tough situation and a decision that you must make. I emphasize the you because, though you’ve given him an ultimatum, he’s always been honest about what he did and did not want.
No one can’t tell you which path to take. Being a parent is a personal choice. It’s a life-changing one as well. You have to choose what is most important to you and your happiness – a future child or a future without a chid but with a man that you love and that loves you.
He has to choose what’s best for him as well.
If he decides to give in and become a father, he’ll probably be doing it for you. If you decide to not have children, you’d be doing it just to please him. That’s why it’s so important for couples to share the same values and want the same lifestyle.
What do you do now? Decide what you can and cannot live without. You may decide to stay with him and be extremely happy. Or you may long for a child throughout your relationship and feel a void. Perhaps you chose to end your three year relationship and meet another amazing man that you love, but who wants to have a family as well. All you can do is go with your gut and have faith. The choice to be a mother is and always will be yours.
Love strongly and wisely,
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