I’ve only recently discovered your site and I was wondering if you could help me. I’ve been dumped by my boyfriend. We’ve been together for two years and five months. We’ve had our ups and downs, but haven’t most relationships? The last nice months we’ve been planning for our future. We’ve been discussing how we’d work out a long distance relationship when we go away to the university. All of a sudden he dumps me. He says he didn’t feel happy anymore. I don’t get it. I felt we had a pretty good relationship and he just dropped this bombshell.
I feel like I can’t live without him. I have built my life around him and now it’s all crumbled. I can’t describe the pain I feel; it hasn’t sunk in really. I just feel hopeless and restless. And I was wondering if you could give me any advice at all, just to get back up on my feet.
He Dropped a Bomb
Dear He Dropped a Bomb,
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this heartache. Unfortunately, you have to go through it. We all do. So know that you are not alone.
As for why this breakup happened so suddenly, I am not sure. I don’t know how old you or your ex are but it seems he isn’t ready for such a serious commitment. He shouldn’t have led you on. Talking about future plans and what you will do when you go away to college was cruel of him. Still, I think he ran scared. If you are both going away to college he may not want a long distance relationship. He may want to be single while he is experiencing a new chapter in his life. It isn’t fair. He should have been honest. His excuse of being unhappy may be valid but it still feels like an excuse.
So, let us focus on the now and how you can cope. I don’t know if you write but maybe you can jot down what you are feeling. Let go of all emotions – the pain, the heart ache, the anger, the resentment. Write it down in a letter to him. You can give it to him or keep it to yourself. Whatever you decide writing this letter can bring you closure.
Also, know that you will survive this chapter. It is only a chapter in the long wondrous book that is your life. Don’t let any man take that way from you. You can live without him. You already are, love. You are breathing, living, and asking for guidance. You will be just fine. It will hurt. Being heart broken is something I know well. I am 35 years old and have loved and lost a few times, and I am still ticking. So take it from me – you will feel better soon. You are resilient and will be ok.
Do me a favor and do this quick exercise. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you will be ok. Say, “I will be ok.” Repeat that to your reflection until you feel amazing again. Because you really will feel that way again.
Love strongly and wisely, Sujeiry