I am currently in an undefined relationship. We have been seeing each other roughly 3 months. Things are amazing and I know he likes me and I like him and he does like spending time with me. But still, no label. I would like him to be my boyfriend…but I haven’t gotten any hints that he wants that. Then again I haven’t gotten any major hints he doesn’t want that.
He is go with the flow and seems to take life day by day. It drives me crazy and I need reassurance, but I am afraid if I bring it up he will pull away because I don’t want to seem like I am pressuring him to move too fast.
Dear Label Limbo,
The first thing that came to mind when I read your question was: has she ever brought up the “where is this going?” conversation with this man? I know you don’t want to seem pushy, but I am curious whether you’ve expressed yourself at all. If not, speak up! Tell him you want to define the relationship. If he is on the fence and just wants to “just chill,” you must decide how long you are willing to wait. Because you are already invested. Three months may not seem like a long time to some, but I believe that after three months you know if you want to be with a person. He should know if he wants to be with you.
Now about the long-distance summer thing. Did you ever discuss what that looks like? Is he seeing other people? Are you? You need to know these things so that you are both clear. Right now, you are doing a lot of assuming.
So, that’s my relationship advice. Tell him what you want. Gauge his response. Make a decision on what you want to do next – wait a while or move on (if he doesn’t want a relationship). Also, don’t focus so much on his words. There is a saying in Spanish that goes, “Los hombres se enamoran con los ojos y las mujeres con los oídos.” Translation: men fall for women based on looks and women based on sweet talk. He may be talking a good game, but if his actions don’t match it’s just talk. Actions always speak louder than words. And with that I tell you to stop sitting by the limbo stick as I once did (I talk about it in my book Love Trips) and make a move.
Love strongly and wisely,
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